Chapter 1. Happiness, Marriage, and Babies: Is There a Secret?

Synopsis

Human Development Video Activity
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true
You must read each slide, and complete any questions on the slide, in sequence.
Big Five
Personality researchers have identified five basic dimensions of personality that remain quite stable throughout adulthood and seem to be universal in individuals around the world: openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism.
cohabitation
A living arrangement in which an unmarried, intimately involved couple live together long-term without legal or religious sanction.
homogamy
The tendency to pair off with someone who is of similar socioeconomic status, background, interests, needs, attitudes, religion, goals, and ethnic background.
self-esteem
The way in which one feels about oneself and how one values one's self. Self-esteem can be affected by one's environment and interactions with others.

Happiness, Marriage, and Babies: Is There a Secret?

Couple sleeping in bed with their newborn

Author

Pauline Davey Zeece, University of Nebraska – Lincoln

Synopsis

This activity focuses on the relationship between marriage, happiness, and the arrival of a new baby. Internationally recognized marriage researchers, John and Julie Schwartz Gottman, present strategies for surviving marriage when baby makes three.

REFERENCES

Argyle, M. (2001). The psychology of happiness. New York: Routledge.

Diener, E., Gohm, C. L., Suh, M., & Cishi, S. (2000). Similarity of the relation between marital status and subjective well-being across cultures. Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology, 31, 419–436.

Diener, E., Suh, M., Lucas, R. E., & Smith, H. E. (1999). Subjective well-being: Three decades of progress. Psychological Bulletin, 125, 276–302.

Glick, J., Ruf, S., White, M., & Goldscheider, F. (2006). Educational engagement and early family formation: Differences by ethnicity and generation. Social Forces, 84, 1391–1415.

Inglehart, R. (1999). Culture shift in advanced industrial society. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.

Johnston, D. R., & Wu, J. (2002). An empirical test of crisis, social selection, and role explanations of the relationship between marital disruption and psychological distress: A pooled time-series analysis of four-wave panel data. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 64, 211–224.

Pew Research Center. (2007). As Marriage and Parenthood Drift Apart, Public is Concerned about Social Impact. Retrieved on December 19, 2007 at http://pewresearch.org/pubs/526/marriage-parenthood

Shapiro, A. F., Gottman, J. M., & Carrere, S. (2000). The baby and the marriage: Identifying factors that buffer against decline in marital satisfaction after the first baby arrives. Journal of Family Psychology, 14(1), 59–70

Marriage and Happiness

Couple on wedding day smiling and laughing.  They are sitting very close while holding hands.

Does marriage make people happy or do happy people get married? This and similar questions have been raised in developmental literature. What do you think?

Studies on the effect of marriage on people’s happiness suggest that generally, married people are a little happier, healthier, and richer than unmarried people of the same age and background. Even though married people in the United States reported being “very happy” more often than did single people (Ingelhart, 1990), do not go running to the altar without some additional consideration! For instance, in Portugal, single people reported being happier. In France, single people reported the same level of happiness as those who were married (Diener et al., 2000). These differences in attitudes about happiness held by either single or married people in a variety of countries are generally slight.

Why Do Married People Report Being Happier?

Couple smiling and laughing while holding their newborn

One suggestion is that marriage provides additional sources of self-esteem and a refuge from loneliness (Argyle, 1999). When an individual has a loving spouse, it is easier for that person to accept difficulties in other parts of life, such as trouble at work, financial strain, or social challenges. Married people are more likely to experience a lasting and supportive intimate relationship, and they suffer less from loneliness.

Among the non-married, those who cohabit with a partner are significantly happier than those who live alone, but this effect is dependent on the culture in which one lives. It turns out that non-married people living together with partners in individualistic societies that foster independence and individual achievement tend to experience egalitarian relationships and flexibility in roles. Therefore, they report higher life satisfaction than single and sometimes, even married people in those same societies. The opposite trend appears in collectivist societies that prioritize adherence to social norms over individual interests and personal goals.

Factors Affecting Marital Happiness

Couple on wedding day smiling and laughing.  They are sitting very close while holding hands.

One major factor affecting marital happiness is age at the time of marriage. Couples who marry as teenagers are more likely to be depressed, violent, and less educated than those who marry later in life (Glick et al., 2006). Another determinant of marital happiness is the quality of the relationship between partners. Relationship quality is affected by such things as childhood family relationships, homogamy, cohabitation before marriage, and some of the Big Five personality traits.

The Big Five are those personality traits that remain relatively stable throughout adulthood. They include the following dimensions:

  • openness – being imaginative, curious, artistic, creative, open to new experience;
  • conscientiousness – being organized, deliberate, conforming, self-disciplined;
  • extroversion – being outgoing, assertive, active;
  • agreeableness – being kind, helpful, easygoing, generous;
  • neuroticism – being anxious, moody, self-punishing, critical.

Question 1.1

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Correct! This example is a realistic example of how the Big Five Traits contribute to a happy marriage.
Sorry. A person high in extroversion is likely to find an outgoing mate so that his/her extroversion would be increasingly expressed and rewarded by mutually enjoyed activities, such as social outings and involvement in the community.

When Baby Arrives

Some psychologists suggest that transitions or changes in a marriage can affect happiness or subjective well-being (Diener et al., 1999; Johnson and Wu, 2002). One such change is the addition of a baby to a family. By a ratio of nearly three to one, more Americans than ever before say that the main purpose of marriage is “forming a lifetime union between two adults for their mutual happiness and fulfillment” than say its main purpose is “forming a lifetime union between two adults for the purpose of bearing and raising children.” The majority of respondents to a Pew Research Center study indicated that people should be married before having a child (Pew Research Center, 2007). The connections between marriage, happiness, and having a child seem to be very complex.

Nevertheless, children are still vital to adult happiness. Although they may be perceived as less central to marriage than in previous decades, they remain important to most parents. Yet, the arrival of a new baby can cause stress on a marriage.

Surviving Marriage After Baby: Identifying the Problems

Research has found that two-thirds of couples experience a significant decline in marriage satisfaction after the first baby arrives (Gottman, 2000). At the Relationship Research Institute, psychologist John Gottman directs an ongoing study called the “Bringing Baby Home Project” in which he examines the toll that babies can take on a marriage.

Play the video to hear what Dr. John Gottman and his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, share about surviving marriage after a baby.

Question 1.2

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New parents suffer terribly from sleep deprivation. The stress, dramatic increase in responsibilities, and lack of sleep cause considerable strain on new parents and their marriage.

Surviving Marriage After Baby: Addressing the Problems

Play the video to hear Dr. John Gottman and his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, discuss strategies that might help save a marriage after the arrival of children.

Question 1.3

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Your response should include some of the following strategies: cool down conflicts by eliminating criticism; avoid being defensive, being contemptuous, or cutting out your partner; savor your relationship by showing appreciation and saying “thank you;” express how much you need your partner, and be open about your sexual needs. Some methods for heating up the sex life include: talking about sex, making sex a priority, recognizing that the quality of sex is more important than the quantity, and thinking about ways to make a partner feel desired.

Assessment: Check Your Understanding

Couple smiling and laughing while holding their newborn

Question 1.4

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Correct! Argumentativeness is not one of the Big Five Traits.
Sorry. Argumentativeness is not one of the Big Five Traits.

Assessment: Check Your Understanding

Couple on wedding day smiling and laughing.  They are sitting very close while holding hands.

Question 1.5

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Correct. The Gottmans suggest that a new baby can absorb an adult’s focus and cause marriage partners to feel lonely and/or irritable. This happens to many new parents.
Sorry. The Gottmans suggest that a new baby can absorb an adult’s focus and cause marriage partners to feel lonely and/or irritable. This happens to many new parents.

Assessment: Check Your Understanding

Couple sleeping in bed with their newborn

Question 1.6

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That's right! Savoring the friendship means that even though there is stress and less time, a married couple with a new baby should work to show appreciation for one another and try to do the special, little things that they did for each other before the baby was born.
Sorry. Savoring the friendship means that even though there is stress and less time, a married couple with a new baby should work to show appreciation for one another and try to do the special, little things that they did for each other before the baby was born.

Congratulations! You have completed this activity.Total Score: x out of x points (x%) You have received a provisional score for your essay answers, which have been submitted to your instructor.