Judy Brady, “I Want a Wife”
Instructor's Notes
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Judy Brady
I Want a Wife
Judy Brady was born in 1937 in San Francisco, where she now makes her home. A graduate of the University of Iowa, Brady has contributed to various publications, including the Women’s Review of Books and Greenpeace magazine, and has traveled to Cuba to study class relationships and education. She edited the book 1 in 3: Women with Cancer Confront an Epidemic (1991), drawing on her own struggle with the disease, and she continues to write and speak about cancer and its possible environmental causes. In the following piece, reprinted frequently since it appeared in Ms. magazine in December 1971, Brady considers the role of the American housewife. While she has said that she is “not a ‘writer,’” this essay shows Brady to be a satirist adept at taking a stand and provoking attention.
AS YOU READ: Ask yourself why Brady says she wants a wife rather than a husband.
1
I belong to that classification of people known as wives. I am A Wife. And, not altogether incidentally,° I am a mother.
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2
Not too long ago a male friend of mine appeared on the scene fresh from a recent divorce. He had one child, who is, of course, with his ex-wife. He is looking for another wife. As I thought about him while I was ironing one evening, it suddenly occurred to me that I, too, would like to have a wife. Why do I want a wife?
3
I would like to go back to school so that I can become economically independent, support myself, and, if need be, support those dependent upon me. I want a wife who will work and send me to school. And while I am going to school I want a wife to take care of my children. I want a wife to keep track of the children’s doctor and dentist appointments. And to keep track of mine, too. I want a wife to make sure my children eat properly and are kept clean. I want a wife who will wash the children’s clothes and keep them mended. I want a wife who is a good nurturant° attendant to my children, who arranges for their schooling, makes sure that they have an adequate social life with their peers, takes them to the park, the zoo, etc. I want a wife who takes care of the children when they are sick, a wife who arranges to be around when the children need special care, because, of course, I cannot miss classes at school. My wife must arrange to lose time at work and not lose the job. It may mean a small cut in my wife’s income from time to time, but I guess I can tolerate that. Needless to say, my wife will arrange and pay for the care of the children while my wife is working.
4
I want a wife who will take care of my physical needs. I want a wife who will keep my house clean. A wife who will pick up after my children, a wife who will pick up after me. I want a wife who will keep my clothes clean, ironed, mended, replaced when need be, and who will see to it that my personal things are kept in their proper place so that I can find what I need the minute I need it. I want a wife who cooks the meals, a wife who is a good cook. I want a wife who will plan the menus, do the necessary grocery shopping, prepare the meals, serve them pleasantly, and then do the cleaning up while I do my studying. I want a wife who will care for me when I am sick and sympathize with my pain and loss of time from school. I want a wife to go along when our family takes a vacation so that someone can continue to care for me and my children when I need a rest and change of scene.
5
I want a wife who will not bother me with rambling complaints about a wife’s duties. But I want a wife who will listen to me when I feel the need to explain a rather difficult point I have come across in my course of studies.
6
I want a wife who will take care of the details of my social life. When my wife and I are invited out by my friends, I want a wife who will take care of the babysitting arrangements. When I meet people at school that I like and want to entertain, I want a wife who will have the house clean, will prepare a special meal, serve it to me and my friends, and not interrupt when I talk about things that interest me and my friends. I want a wife who will have arranged that the children are fed and ready for bed before my guests arrive so that the children do not bother us. I want a wife who takes care of the needs of my guests so that they feel comfortable, who makes sure that they have an ashtray, that they are passed the hors d’oeuvres, that they are offered a second helping of the food, that their wine glasses are replenished when necessary, that their coffee is served to them as they like it. And I want a wife who knows that sometimes I need a night out by myself.
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7
I want a wife who is sensitive to my sexual needs, a wife who makes love passionately and eagerly when I feel like it, a wife who makes sure that I am satisfied. And, of course, I want a wife who will not demand sexual attention when I am not in the mood for it. I want a wife who assumes the complete responsibility for birth control, because I do not want more children. I want a wife who will remain sexually faithful to me so that I do not have to clutter up my intellectual life with jealousies. And I want a wife who understands that my sexual needs may entail more than strict adherence to monogamy.° I must, after all, be able to relate to people as fully as possible.
8
If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than the wife I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present wife with another one. Naturally, I will expect a fresh, new life; my wife will take the children and be solely responsible for them so that I am left free.
9
When I am through with school and have a job, I want my wife to quit working and remain at home so that my wife can more fully and completely take care of a wife’s duties.
10
My God, who wouldn’t want a wife?
Questions to Start You Thinking
Considering Meaning: How does Brady define the traditional role of the wife? Does she think that a wife should perform all of the duties she outlines? How can you tell?
Identifying Writing Strategies: How does Brady use observation to support her stand? What other approaches does she use?
Reading Critically: What is the tone or attitude of this essay? How does Brady establish it? Considering that she was writing for a predominantly female – and feminist – audience, do you think Brady’s tone is appropriate?
Expanding Vocabulary: Why does Brady use such simple language in this essay? What is the effect of her use of such phrases as of course (paragraph 2), Needless to say (paragraph 3), and Naturally (paragraph 8)?
Making Connections: Both Brady and Julie Zeilinger in “Guys Suffer from Oppressive Gender Roles Too” (pp. 000–00) use humor to discuss gender stereotypes. Evaluate their use of humor. Whose is more effective? Why?
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Journal Prompts
Exert your wishful thinking – describe your ideal mate.
Begin with a stereotype of a husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, father, or mother, and write a satirical description of that stereotype.
Suggestions for Writing
In a short personal essay, explain what you want or expect in a wife, husband, or life partner. Do your hopes and expectations differ from social and cultural norms? If so, in what way(s)? How has your parents’ relationship shaped your attitudes and ideals?
How has the role of a wife changed since this essay was written? Write an essay comparing and contrasting the twenty-first-century wife with the kind of wife Judy Brady claims she wants.