15-9 What role do social factors play in our sexuality, and how do nature, nurture, and our own choices influence gender roles and sexuality?

Human sexuality research does not aim to define the personal meaning of sex in our own lives. We could know every available fact about sex—that the initial spasms of male and female orgasm come at 0.8-second intervals, that female nipples expand 10 millimeters at the peak of sexual arousal, that systolic blood pressure rises some 60 points and respiration rate to 40 breaths per minute—but fail to understand the human significance of sexual intimacy.

Surely one significance of such intimacy is its expression of our profoundly social nature. One study asked 2035 married people when they started having sex (while controlling for education, religious engagement, and relationship length). Those whose relationship first developed to a deep commitment, and then included sex, not only reported greater relationship satisfaction and stability but also better sex than those who had sex very early in their relationship (Busby et al., 2010; Galinsky & Sonenstein, 2013). For both men and women, but especially for women, orgasm occurs more often (and with less morning-after regret) when sex happens in a committed relationship rather than a sexual hookup (Garcia et al., 2012, 2013). Partners who share regular meals are more likely than one-night dinner guests to have educated one another about what seasoning touches suit their food tastes; so likewise with the touches of loyal partners who share a bed.

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Sex is a socially significant act. Men and women can achieve orgasm alone, yet most people find greater satisfaction—and experience a much greater surge in the prolactin hormone associated with sexual satisfaction and satiety—after intercourse and orgasm with their loved one (Brody & Tillmann, 2006). Thanks to their overlapping brain reward areas, sexual desire and love feed each other (Cacioppo et al., 2012). Sex at its human best is life uniting and love renewing.