-I mean, why am I even listening to you to begin with? You're a virgin who can't drive.

-Ugh, that was way harsh, Tai.

-Sorry. Look, I'm really sorry. Let's just talk when we've mellowed, all right? I'm outtie.

CHER (VOICEOVER): What did I do? I've created some sort of a monster. I could feel the chunks start to rise up in my throat. I had to get out.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

CHER (VOICEOVER): Everything I think and everything I do is wrong. I was wrong about Elton. I was wrong about Christian. Now Josh hated me.

It all boiled down to one inevitable conclusion. I was just totally clueless. Oh, and this Josh and Tai thing was wigging me more than anything. I mean, what was my problem? Tai is my pal. I don't begrudge her a boyfriend. I really-- ooh. I wonder if they have that in my size.

CHER (VOICEOVER): What does she want with Josh anyway? He dresses funny. He listens to complaint rock. He's not even cute, in a conventional way.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

CHER (VOICEOVER): I mean, he's just like this slug who hangs around the house all the time. Ugh. And he's a hideous dancer. Couldn't take him anywhere. Wait a second. What am I stressing about? He's like, Josh.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

CHER (VOICEOVER): OK, OK. So he's kind of a Baldwin. What would he want with Tai? She couldn't make him happy. Josh needs someone with imagination. Someone to take care of him. Someone to laugh at his jokes, in case he ever makes any. Then suddenly--

[TRUMPETS RISE]

CHER (VOICEOVER): Oh, my god.

-I love Josh.