Even before he enlisted in the U.S. Navy and served for nine years as an electronic technician, Benjamin Smock had a passion for music. He had played guitar in high school and on his ship, and he’d recently discovered an interest in professional recording. If it hadn’t been for his wife’s encouragement, however, he may never have decided to enroll in Bunker Hill Community College (BHCC) in Boston and begin pursuing music as a career. “My wife initially encouraged me to enroll in college when I began simply throwing the idea around a couple of years ago,” he says. “Her continued persistence and ongoing encouragement have given me more reasons to be proud of my upcoming graduation.” He has also found plenty of support from friends and family. “My father and sisters back in Illinois continue to support me as I tell them what classes I take and how much closer I get to graduating. My friends have been supportive to the point of expressing interest in the research papers I’ve written and attending events with me in support of my research.”

Another important relationship that Benjamin developed in college was with one of his music instructors, Mari Black, who taught an arranging and composing course. Professor Black encouraged Benjamin to work with other students to learn different styles of music and composition. Her guidance allowed Benjamin to become a more disciplined and focused composer. Professor Black also agreed to mentor Benjamin when he decided to participate in the honors program. “It’s been a wonderful experience to work so closely with a professor,” he says. “She’s encouraged me to become the first music major in BHCC history to graduate with honors.”

Benjamin plans to continue his studies in the music education program at the University of Massachusetts Boston, and because he is graduating with honors from BHCC, he will be automatically enrolled in the honors program at UMass. Even as he looks toward his future career, Benjamin is excited to work with other musicians and develop relationships that will help them succeed. “My ultimate goal for the future is to work with students and help them achieve a sound that will set them apart from the rest of the crowd,” he says.

What does success in college have to do with relationships? As Benjamin’s story shows, the quality of relationships students develop in college can have positive effects on their success. As college educators, we have also learned from our own experiences and the experiences of others that relationships can negatively affect success as well.

Relationships take many forms. An important set of relationships will be with your instructors. You might choose to get to know your instructors or to ignore them outside of class, but the quality and frequency of the interactions you have with them can affect how well you do academically.

Whether you live on campus or off, you will continue a relationship with your parents, spouse, children, or other family members. Sometimes the assumptions and expectations that define family interactions will change, and negotiating that change is not always easy. Parents sometimes have trouble letting go of a son or daughter, and if you are fresh out of high school, you might think that your parents still want to control your life. If you are an adult with a spouse or partner, going to college will give you a new identity that might seem strange or threatening to your partner. If you have children, they might not understand what’s going on as you try to balance your need for study time with their need for your undivided attention.

If your friends also go to college, you will have a great deal to share and compare. But if your friends are not college students, they, too, might feel threatened as you take on a new identity. In addition, romantic relationships can support you or can create major conflict and heartbreak, depending on whether your partner shares your feelings and whether the relationship is healthy or dysfunctional.

This chapter will help you think about all these different kinds of relationships, including those that are established and maintained online.