Whether you live on campus or at home, your relationship with your parents will never be quite the same as it was before. You might find that your parents hover over you and try to make decisions on your behalf, such as your major, where and how much you work, and what you do on weekends. In fact, some instructors and administrators have coined the term “helicopter parents” to describe parents who exhibit these hovering behaviors. You also might find that it’s hard for you to make any decisions without talking to your parents first. Although communication with your parents is important, don’t let them make all your decisions. Your college or university will help you draw the line between what decisions should be yours alone and what decisions your parents should help you make.

Many college students are living in blended families, so more than one set of parents are involved in their college experience. If your father or mother has remarried, you might have to negotiate with both family units.

So how can you have a good relationship with your parents during this period of transition? A first step in establishing a good relationship with them is to be aware of their concerns. Parents are often worried that you’ll harm yourself in some way. They might still see you as young and innocent, and they don’t want you to make the same mistakes that they might have made or experience situations that have been publicized in the media. They might be concerned that your family or cultural values will change or that you’ll never really come home again, and for some students, that is exactly what happens.

Remember, though, that parents generally mean well. Most of them love their children even if their love isn’t always expressed in the best way. They have genuine concerns that you will understand even better if and when you become a parent yourself. To help your parents feel more comfortable with your life in college, try setting aside regular times to update them on how things are going for you. Ask for and consider their advice. You don’t have to take it, but it can be useful to think about what your parents suggest, along with the other factors that will help you make decisions.

Not every family is ideal. If your family is not supportive, find other people who can help you create the family you need. With your emotional needs satisfied, your reactions to your real family will be much less painful.

What should you do if your family falls apart? Divorce happens, and sometimes it happens when a son or daughter goes to college. It can be hard to proceed with life as usual when the family foundation seems to be cracking under you, but remember that your parents are adults. If your father and mother decide to go their separate ways, it’s not your fault, and you should not feel responsible for their happiness.

Even if you’re successful in determining appropriate boundaries between your life and your parents’ lives, it’s hard not to worry about what’s happening at home. If you find yourself in the midst of a difficult family situation, seek help from your campus’s counseling center or from a chaplain.