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Negotiating for Safer Sex

If you are sexually active, it’s important that you talk with your partner about ways to protect against sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancy.

Communicating with your partner about safer sex can be difficult and even embarrassing initially, but this communication can make your relationship stronger and more meaningful. The national organization Advocates for Youth offers these suggestions to help make this conversation easier and more effective:

Use “I” statements when talking. For example, you might say, “I think that abstinence is right for me at this time,” or “I would feel more comfortable if we used a condom.” Be assertive! Do not avoid talking about sex because you fear your partner’s reaction.
Be a good listener. Let your partner know that you hear, understand, and care about what he or she is saying and feeling.
Be patient with your partner and remain firm in your decision that talking is important.
Understand that success in talking does not mean getting your partner to agree to do something. It means that you both have said what you honestly think and feel and that you have both listened respectfully to each other.
Avoid making assumptions. Ask open-ended questions to discuss relationship expectations, past and present sexual relationships, contraceptive use, and testing for STIs.
Do not wait until you become sexually intimate to discuss safer sex with your partner. In the heat of the moment, you and your partner might be unable to talk effectively.

You can avoid STIs and unwanted pregnancies by avoiding sex entirely. According to national research, 25 percent of college students choose this option. For many people, masturbation is a reasonable alternative to sex with a partner.

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If you’re in the remaining 75 percent, you’ll be safer (in terms of STIs) if you have only one partner. You might, however, think that you’re at a point in your life when you would prefer to have multiple relationships simultaneously. Whether you’re monogamous or not, you should always protect yourself by using a condom.

In addition to being a contraceptive, a condom can help prevent the spread of STIs, including HIV. The condom’s effectiveness against disease holds true for anal, vaginal, and oral intercourse. The most current research indicates that the rate of protection provided by condoms against STIs is similar to its rate of protection against pregnancy (90 to 99 percent) when used correctly and consistently for each and every act of intercourse or oral sex. Note that only latex rubber condoms and polyurethane condoms—not lambskin or other types of “natural membrane” condoms—provide this protection. The polyurethane condom is a great alternative for individuals who have allergies to latex. Use only a water-based lubricant (such as K-Y Jelly) to keep the condom from breaking.