Whether you live on campus or at home, your relationship with your parents will never be quite the same as it was before you began college. Your father and mother may have made all or most of your decisions in the past, but now your instructors, academic advisers, and other administrators will expect you to make important choices for yourself, such as what your major will be, where and how much you work, and what you do on weekends. You might find that it’s hard to make choices on your own without talking to your parents first. While you should continue to communicate with your parents, don’t let them make all your decisions. Your college can help you draw the line between the decisions you should make alone and when you should seek advice from your parents. Many college students live in blended families, with more than one set of parents involved in their college experience. If your father or mother has remarried, you might even have to negotiate with both family units.

So how can you have a good relationship with your parents during this period of transition? A first step in establishing a good relationship with them is to be aware of their concerns. Your parents may be worried that you’ll harm yourself in some way. They might still see you as young and innocent, and they don’t want you to make the same mistakes that they might have made or experience negative aspects of the college experience that they have seen publicized in the media. They might be concerned that your family or cultural values will change or that you’ll never really come home again, and, for some students, that is exactly what happens.

Remember, though, that parents generally mean well. Most of them love their children, even if their love isn’t always expressed in the best way. Your parents have genuine concerns that you will understand even better if and when you become a parent yourself. To help your parents feel more comfortable with your life in college, try setting aside regular times to update them on how things are going for you. Ask for and consider their advice. You don’t have to take it, but it can be useful to think about what your parents suggest, along with the other factors that will help you make decisions.

Even if you’re successful in establishing appropriate boundaries between your life and your parents’ lives, it’s hard not to worry about what’s happening at home, especially when your family is in a crisis. If you find yourself in the midst of a difficult family situation, seek help from your campus’s counseling center or from a chaplain—people who are available for support even in “normal” times. Just reach out. When you receive help with your emotional needs, you can manage the tough times in more productive ways.