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Communicating about Safe Sex

Communication is the most important aspect of both casual and long-term sexual relationships. You and your partner must share your experiences and communicate needs, backgrounds, and how to be safe. Without communication, partners do not know each other’s expectations, intentions can get confused, and emotions can become muddled. Here are some strategies to help with communication:

Discuss testing for sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Make sure both partners have been tested recently. The rule of thumb for a sexually active person is to get tested at least once a year, and after any unprotected encounter.
Share expectations. Partners should talk about what they expect from the sexual encounter. Partners should be clear about what they are comfortable with and what they want to get out of the experience.
Use protection. Protecting yourself and your partner from unwanted consequences—pregnancy or the transmission of STIs—is important, and so is communicating about protection ahead of time. Do you and your partner have what you need, or does one of you need to buy it? One night can change your entire life, so make sure you are prepared.
Communicate in “I” statements. “I” statements help facilitate open communication. When you use “I” statements, you accept responsibility for your feelings, you do not accuse or threaten another. A statement like “I feel like we need to explore our options,” is more useful than “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Remember, each person brings his or her previous experiences into an encounter or a relationship; being aware of this helps with communication, whether you are talking or listening.