17.1 Subject Index
abuse. See also violence
workplace, 406–7, 411–14
acceptance, in romantic relationships, 301–2
accommodation
conflict management by, 257
defined, 257
action, speech acts, 187–88
action-oriented listeners, 160–61, 163, 193–94
active listening
defined, 147
developing. See listening improvement
in supportive communication, 137
actor-observer effect, 81
adaptors, 220
advice, in supportive communication, 137
advocacy, mixed-status relationships, 400–401
agape, 284
age
elderly and friendships, 358
and happiness, 116
and passionate feelings, 283
agentic friendships, 357–58
aggression. See also anger; violence
aggressive-hostile touch, 224
aggressive listening, 167, 170
verbal aggression, 200–201
agreeableness, trait of, 90–91, 121
algebraic impressions, 95–96
analysis, and listening, 159
anger
chronic hostility, 131, 200–201
communicating with eyes, 219
and defensive communication, 198–200
defined, 129
emotional experience of, 129–31
managing, 130–32, 138
as primary emotion, 115
anxiety
attachment anxiety, 47–48
communication apprehension, 198
apologies, to maintain face, 54
appearance, physical. See physical appearance
appreciation, and listening, 159
appropriateness
competent communication, 22–23
defined, 22
incompetent communication, 22–23
Arthur (TV series), 89–90
artifacts
defined, 218, 229–30
nonverbal communication through, 229–30
workplace, 389
Asian Americans, model minority myth, 403
assurances
in family relationships, 335
in peer relationships, 398
in romantic relationships, 301
asynchronous communication, 128
attachment
and relationships later in life, 47–48
romantic relationships, 282, 295
style, self-quiz, 61
styles of, 47–48
attention
improving, guidelines for, 150–51
in listening process, 149–51, 164–65
mental bracketing, 151
of others, nonverbal management of, 233
and perception, 76
attention focus, 126
attire, nonverbal communication through, 228–29
attitudes, defined, 40
attraction
between friends, 376–77
romantic, factors in, 288–92
attributions, 79–82
actor-observer effect, 81
checking, for competent communication, 82
defined, 79
fundamental attribution error, 81
internal and external, 80
and online communication, 81–82
self-serving bias, 82
authoritarian cultures, high power-distance, 252
authoritarian parenting, 243–44
autonomy
versus connection dialectic, 336–38
helicopter parents, 338
avoidance
conflict management by, 255–56, 266
relationship breakup, 297
back-channel cues, 153
Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (Chua), 243–44, 275
beautiful-is-good effect, 290
Beaver family, 209–10, 239
beliefs, defined, 40
best friends, 361–63
betrayal
and friendship, 371–73
managing, questions for, 373
and romantic relationships, 307–10
bias. See also stereotyping
interpersonal impressions, 94–95
perceptual. See perceptual bias
Big Five personality traits, 90–91, 120–21
birds-of-a-feather effect, 290
birth stories, family, 328
bizarreness effect, 157
Black Swan (film), 161
blended emotions, 116–17
blended family. See stepfamilies
blogs, comments, caution about, 57
body language. See kinesics
bonding
attachment, 46–48
romantic relationships, 295
boundaries, and friendship, 370–71
brain
gender differences, 86
and language, 185
plasticity of, 150–51
breaking up, romantic relationships, 296–98
Bridesmaids (film), 96
bullying
and verbal aggression, 200
in workplace, 407–9
catharsis, 131
channels in communication
defined, 7
in nonverbal communication, 212
the chilling effect, 270
choice
and friendship, 355–56
and workplace relationships, 387, 398
chronemics
and culture, 227–28
defined, 218, 226
M-time orientation, 226–28
nonverbal communication through, 226–28
Self-Quiz, 227
chronic hostility
Self-Quiz, 131
and verbal aggression, 200
circumscribing stage, relationship breakup, 297
clarity
active listening, clarifying in, 154–55
in cooperative verbal communication, 193
cliques, workplace, 391
clothing, nonverbal communication through, 228–29
cohabiting couples, 326
collaboration
conflict management by, 258–60, 267
in transactional communication, 10
workplace communication, 392
collectivistic cultures
conflict management, 260–62
features of, 51
group decisions in, 261
listening styles, 164
collegial peers, 396–98
commitment, and romantic relationships, 287
communal friendships, 357
communication
channels in, 7
contexts of, 7
defined, 6
elements of, 5–7
interpersonal. See interpersonal communication
messages in, 6, 8
models of, 8–10
in relationships. See relationships
skills. See interpersonal communication competence
supportive, 136–37
communication accommodation theory, 196–97
communication apprehension, 198
communication models
interactive, 9, 10
linear, 8, 10
transactional, 9–10
communication plans, 198
Communication Privacy Management Theory, 339–40
communication research, 19–20
hypotheses in, 20
and knowledge, 19–20
qualitative, 20
quantitative, 20
theory in, 19–20
communication rules, in families, 324
communication skills
competent. See interpersonal communication competence
defined, 22
lack of. See interpersonal communication competence problems
communication studies. See communication research, cross-cultural view, 29
companionate love, 284
competent communication. See interpersonal communication competence
competition, conflict management by, 257–58
complementary relationships, 249
compliments, mixed-status relationships, 404–5
comprehension, and listening, 158–59
compromise, conflict management by, 265
concern, empathic, 99–100, 129
conferences, online meetings, 393–94
conflict
and attachment style, 48
basic causes of, 247–48
and communication problems, 197–204
dirty secrets, 268–69
dynamics of, 247
and friendship, 357
and incompatible goals, 246
interparental conflict, 348
kitchen-sinking, 247
misunderstandings, 193–94
overcoming. See conflict management
and perception, 246
and power, 248–54, 250
as process, 246–47
pseudo-conflict, 256
romantic relationships, 296–98, 307–16
self-enhancing thoughts, 267–68
Self-Quiz, 32
serial arguments, 269–70
sudden-death statements, 268–69
unsolvable, 271, 274
and violence, 270–71
workplace abuse, 406–7, 411–14
conflict management
accommodation, 257
avoidance, 255–56, 266
barriers to, 267–74
the chilling effect, 270
collaboration, 258–60, 267
competition, 257–58
compromise, 265
and culture, 260–62
demand-withdraw pattern, 270
domination as, 264–65
and gender, 260–62
integrative agreements, 265–66
long-term resolutions, 266–67
and online communication, 262–63
and power, 252, 258
reactivity, 258, 267
in relationships, 248
Self-Quiz, 256
separation as, 264
short-term resolutions, 264–66
structural improvements, 266
conformity-oriented family, 330–33
connotative meaning, 184
conscientiousness, trait of, 90–91
consensual families, 332
constitutive rules, of language, 179, 182
content information, elements of, 14–15
content-oriented listeners, 161, 163, 164
contexts of communication, 7
control messages, 199
conversation-oriented family, 330–33
conversations, characteristics of, 188–89
Cooperative Principle, 192–94
cooperative verbal communication, 191–97
barriers to. See interpersonal communication problems
clear language in, 193
communication accommodation theory, 196–97
Cooperative Principle, 192–94
and culture, 196–97
defined, 191
and gender, 195–96
and honesty, 193, 201, 204
information, giving in, 192–93
“I” versus “you” language, 194
misunderstandings, avoiding, 78, 191, 193
relevance in, 193
rules of language, understanding of, 179
“we” language, 195
courtship stories, family, 327–28
Credo for Ethical Communication, 24
critical self-reflection, 40
criticism, mixed-status relationships, 404–5
cross-cultural view. See also Focus on Culture
communication across cultures. See intercultural competence
conflict management, 260–62
cooperative verbal communication, 196–97
emotional displays, 117, 119–20
friendship, 359–60, 365–66
happiness, 116
haptics, 224
interpersonal communication study, 29
listening, 163–64, 181
misleading information, giving, 204
nonverbal communication, 213–14, 238–39
passionate love, 283
perception, 82–86
power, 251–53
power-distance, 252–53
self-disclosure, 64, 68
sense of self, 50–51
sexual infidelity, 310
time-orientation, 227–28
verbal communication, 180–81
culture. See also cross-cultural view; Focus on Culture
collectivistic, 50–51, 164, 260–62
communication competence, improving. See intercultural competence
defined, 27, 50, 84
high- and low-context, 181
high and low power-distance, 252
individualistic, 50, 164, 260–62
and interpersonal communication, 27–28
relationship to language, 180–81
cumulative annoyance, 255
currencies, power, 251
cyberbullying, 407
cyberslacking, 394–95
Dartmouth-Princeton football game, 73–74, 105
dating violence, 313, 316
deactivation, of emotions, 126
deception/lying, 201–4
as communication barrier, 201, 204
and culture, 204
defined, 201
online communication, 201, 292–93
Self-Quiz, 204
sexual infidelity, 308
defensive communication, 198–200
defending self against, 199
forms of, 199
“you” language, 194
defensive workplace climate, 392–93
demand-withdraw pattern, 270
denotative meaning, 183–84
dialects, 179–80
differentiating stage, relationship breakup, 297
dirty secrets, 268–69
discern, listening to, 159
dismissive attachment, 48
display rules, emotions, 119
disputes. See conflict
divorce
breaking up, stages of, 296–98
interethnic marriage, 304
dogmatic messages, in defensive communication, 199
dominance
conflict management by, 264–65
defined, 235
nonverbal communication of, 235
Self-Quiz, 235
downward communication, guidelines for, 402–5
dyadic communication, 11, 13
dynamic
defined, 11
interpersonal communication as, 11, 17
eavesdropping, 165–67
effectiveness, in competent communication, 23
ego protection, 82
elderly, and friendships, 358
and communication situation, 25–26
and conflict management, 262–63
drafts, using, 25, 27
long-distance relationships, maintaining with, 305, 335–36, 374–75
virtual networks, 390
virtual peers, 396–97
workplace communication, 393
embarrassment, losing face, 53–54
emblems, 219
emoticons, 211, 218
emotional contagion, 113
emotional intelligence
defined, 123
Self-Quiz, 124
emotional support. See supportive communication
emotions, 111–41
affect displays, 232
anger, 115, 129–31
blended emotions, 116–17, 117
communicative nature of, 113
culture and display of, 117, 119–20
defined, 111
display rules, 119
emotional intelligence, 123–24
emotion-sharing, 113, 134–35
features of, 111–13
versus feelings and moods, 113–15
gender and display of, 65, 120
grief, 115, 134–37
joy, 115, 141
managing. See emotions management
nonverbal communication of, 232
and online communication, 127–29
passion, 132–33
personality and display of, 120–22
primary emotions, 115–16
emotions management, 122–27
anger, 130–32, 138
defined, 123
and emotional intelligence, 123
grief, 134–35
preventing emotions, 125–26
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, 121
reappraisal of emotions, 126–27
stability over life course, 122
suppression of emotions, 123, 125, 130–31
venting, 125, 131
empathy, 99–100
deficits, and online communication, 128–29
elements of, 99–100
empathic communication guidelines, 99–100
Self-Quiz, 100
in supportive communication, 137
workplace communication, 392
emphasis, online communication, 223
encounter avoidance, 125–26
encounter structuring, 126
environment
defined, 218, 230
nonverbal communication through, 230
equity
in friendships, 370
and romantic attraction, 291–92
workplace communication, 392
and workplace relationships, 387
eros, 284
escalation, 258
Esperanto, 179
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (film), 299
ethical communication
in competent communication, 23–24
components of, 24
in cooperative verbal communication, 193
Credo for Ethical Communication, 24
deception/lying, 201, 201–4
online communication, 201, 292–93
power factors, 250
and self-disclosure, 66
ethics, defined, 23
ethnicity, interethnic friends, 367
ethnocentrism, 101
Everybody Hates Chris (TV series), 323
experimenting stage, romantic relationships, 294
expertise currency, 251
explanations, attributions, 79–82
extended family, 326
external attributions, 80
extraversion, 90–91, 121
eye contact
and gender, 216, 219
nonverbal messages in, 219, 235
eyewitness recall accuracy, 155
face, public self as mask, 52–54
Facebook, 24–25
“friends” versus real friends, 360–61
jealousy and users, 266, 311
online self, 55–57
other’s descriptions, importance of, 56–57
other’s images, impact of, 229
posts, caution about, 27
presenting self, improving, 57
wedging, 311
facial expressions
and gender, 216
nonverbal messages in, 218, 234–35
facial symmetry, 229
family, 323–49
and attachment, 47–48
autonomy versus connection dialectic, 336–38
characteristics of, 324–25
communication, improving, 335–36
communication rules, 324
conflict, coping strategies, 337–40
conformity-oriented family, 330–33
consensual families, 332
conversation-oriented family, 330–33
defined, 324
family stories, 326–29
gay and lesbian, 333–34
helicopter parents, 338
interparental conflict, 348
laissez-faire families, 333
lifelong influence of, 46–47
openness versus protection dialectic, 338–40
parental favoritism in, 343–45
pluralistic families, 332–33
primacy of, 46, 323, 349
privacy rules, 339–40
protective families, 333
relationships, maintaining, 333–36
and sense of self, 46–48
types of, 325–26
Family Communication Patterns Theory, 330–31
favoritism, parental, 343–45
fearful attachment, 48
feedback
in active listening, 153–54
defined, 9
and empathy, 128–29
feelings. See also emotions, elements of, 113
fields of experience, 9
50/50 (film), 125
flaming
defined, 20
Flame Theory, 20
online communication, 20, 27
flexibility, supportive workplace climate, 392
Focus on Culture
Accommodation and Radical Pacifism, 261
Autonomy and Class: Helicopter Parents, 338
Challenging Traditional Gender Labels, 187
Cross-Orientation Male Friendships, 366
Happiness across Cultures, 116
How Does the Media Shape Your Self-Esteem?, 44
Infidelity Internationally, 310
Intercultural Competence, 29
Model Minority Myth, The, 403
Perceiving Race, 87
Touch and Distance, 224
When Nobody Will Listen, 156
friendship, 355–81
agentic friendship, 357–58
best friends, 361–63
betrayal, 371–73
characteristics of, 355–57
communal friendship, 357
cross-orientation friends, 365, 366
cross-sex friendships, 364–65
and culture, 359–60
defined, 355
friendship rules, 368–70
functions of, 357–58
FWB (friends with benefits), 377, 380–81
and gender, 358, 360, 363
intercultural friends, 365–66
interethnic friends, 367
and life span, 358, 361
and liking, 357
long-distance, 373–76
maintaining, strategies for, 367–71
and online communication, 360–61
versus other relationships, 355–57
and romantic relationships, 376–77
and self-disclosure, 353–54, 356, 369, 370–71
time/activities, sharing, 370
volatility of, 357, 371–72
friendship-warmth touch, 224
functional-professional touch, 223
fundamental attribution error, 81
FWB (friends with benefits), 377, 380–81
gay and lesbian. See also LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, queer); sexual orientation
family, 333–34
naming/terms related to, 186–87
and romantic love, 286
supportive networks for, 304
gender
brain, male/female differences, 86
and conflict management, 260–62
and cooperative verbal communication, 195–96
defined, 28, 45–46, 359n
and emotional displays, 65, 120
and eye contact, 216, 219
and friendships, 358, 360, 363
and interpersonal communication, 28–29, 86–89
and listening, 163
and nonverbal communication, 214–16
and perception, 86–89
and power imbalance, 253–54
and romantic love, 284
and self-concept, 46
and self-disclosure, 65, 68
and sense of self, 45–46
sexual infidelity, response to, 308
socialization, 46–47
and violence in relationships, 270
gender equality, 253–54
and power imbalance, 254
requirements for, 253–54
gender labels, traditional, replacing, 187
Gestalts
defined, 93
impressions of others, 93–94, 104
gestures, nonverbal messages in, 219–20, 231–32
Glee (TV series), 288–89, 365
goals
incompatible, and conflict, 246
and interpersonal communication, 18–19
Gone with the Wind (Mitchell), 271, 274
Google Alert, 57
Gospel for Teens, 109–10, 141
grief
features of, 134
managing, 134–35
support groups, 135
halo effect, 95
happiness
and culture, 116
encouraged by others. See positivity
and personality traits, 121
and workplace relationships, 413, 417
haptics
and culture, 224
defined, 218, 223
nonverbal communication through, 223–25, 234–35
Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (film), 402
Harry Potter films, 218–19, 329–31
hearing
impairment, 148–49
in listening process, 148–49
hierarchy of needs, 18
high-context cultures, 181
high self-monitors, 22–23
honesty
in cooperative verbal communication, 193, 201, 204
defined, 193
lack of. See deception/lying
horn effect, 95
hostile climate harassment, 412
hostility. See aggression; anger; chronic hostility
How I Met Your Mother (TV series), 64
human needs, and interpersonal communication, 18
humor, and friendships, 369
Hunger Games, The (Collins), 248–49
hypotheses, in research, 20
ideal self, 42–43
identity support, 362–63
idioms, personal, 179–80
I-It, 13
illustrators, 219
immediacy, and posture, 220
impact, of interpersonal communication, 13
impersonal communication, defined, 13
implicit personality theories, 92
impressions of others. See interpersonal impressions
Inception (film), 75
indifference messages, 199
individualistic cultures
conflict management, 260–62
features of, 50
group decisions in, 261
listening styles, 164
ingroups, 84–85
initiating stage, romantic relationships, 294
Insidious (film), 147–48
instant-messaging. See text-messaging
instrumental goals, 19
integrating stage, romantic relationships, 295
integrative agreements, conflict management by, 265–66
intensifying stage, romantic relationships, 294–95
interaction. See also interpersonal communication
defined, 6
interactive communication model, 9, 10
intercultural competence
versus ethnocentrism, 101
perception-checking, 101, 104
world-mindfulness, 100–101
intercultural friends, 365–66
interethnic friends, 367
internal attributions, 80
interparental conflict, 348
interpersonal communication
competence in. See interpersonal communication competence
and culture, 27–28
defined, 11
as dynamic, 11, 17
elements of, 11–13
and emotions, 111–41
ethical factors. See ethical communication
and gender, 28–29
goals, 18–19
importance of, 3–5
information, types in, 14–16
intentional and unintentional, 16
as irreversible, 16–17
listening, 147–71
needs of, 18
nonverbal communication, 211–39
online communication, 32
and perception, 76–105
problems with. See interpersonal communication problems
research and knowledge in, 19–20
and self, 39–69
and sexual orientation, 29
study, areas of, 33
as transactional, 11
and type of relationship. See relationships
verbal communication, 177–205
interpersonal communication competence, 21–27
appropriateness factor, 22–23
communication plans in, 198
and cultural differences. See intercultural competence
defined, 21
effectiveness factor, 23
ethical factors, 23–24
online communication, 25–27
problems with. See interpersonal communication problems
interpersonal communication problems, 197–204
communication apprehension, 198
and conflict, 245–48
deception, 201, 204
defensiveness, 198–200
inappropriateness, 22–23
with listening. See listening problems
online. See online communication problems
power issues, 248–54
verbal aggression, 200–201
interpersonal impressions, 92–98
algebraic impressions, 95–96
defined, 92
and dialects, 180
forming, factors in, 92–93
Gestalts, 93–94, 104
halo and horn effects, 95
ingroups and outgroups, 84–85
and moods, 114–15
negativity effect, 94–95
positivity bias, 94
stereotyping, 96–98
interpersonal process model, of intimacy, 63
interpersonal relationships. See relationships
interpretation, and perception, 78–82
interview test, for online self-presentation, 57
intimacy
and connotative meanings, 184
defined, 60, 282
interpersonal process model of, 63
intimacy currency, 251
nonverbal communication of, 236
and workplace relationships, 387
intimate space, 225
intrapersonal communication, defined, 13
intrusion, relational, 311–12
invisibility, and online communication, 128
irreversibility, of interpersonal communication, 16–17
I-Thou, 13
It’s a Wonderful Life (film), 381
“I” versus “you” language, 194, 312
jealousy
coping with, 310–11, 311
Facebook users, 266, 311
in friendships, 369
romantic relationships, 310–11
Jefferson strategy, 131–32
Johari Window, of relational self, 61–62
joy, 115, 141
Juvenile Love Scale, 283
kinesics, 218–21
defined, 218
eye contact, 219
facial expressions, 218
gestures, 219–20
posture, 220–21
King, Gayle, friendship with Oprah, 353–55, 381
kitchen-sinking, 247
laissez-faire families, 333
language
and brain, 185
conversations, 188–89
denotative and connotative meanings, 183–84
dialects, 179–80
features of, 178–82
flexibility of, 179–80
linguistic determinism, 186
naming, 186–87
personal idioms, 179–80
relationship to culture, 180–81
relationship to thoughts, 184–86
rules in, 179, 182
Sapir-Whorf hypothesis, 185–86
speech acts, 187–88
as symbolic, 178–79, 186
lesbians. See gay and lesbian; LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, queer); sexual orientation
LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, queer)
cross-orientation friends, 365, 366
use of term, 186
Life as a House (film), 341–42
life span, and friendship, 358, 361
liking
companionate love, 284
and friendship, 357
versus loving, 282
linear communication model, 8, 10
linguistic determinism, 186
linguistic relativity, 186
LinkedIn, 54
listening, 147–71
active. See listening improvement
and culture, 163–64, 181
defined, 147–48
functions of, 158–60
and gender, 163
gestural regulators, 220
importance of, 147, 171
ineffective. See listening problems
and memory, 155–57
nonverbal communication online, 220
process of, 148–57
Self-Quiz, 162
styles of, 160–63
listening improvement
for aggressive listening, 170
attention, improving, 150–51
back-channel cues, 153
listening purpose, adapting, 159–60
mixed-status relationships, 403
noise level, adjusting, 149
paraphrasing by listener, 154–55
positive versus negative feedback, 153–54
selective listening, overcoming, 164–65
styles of listening, employing, 162–63
listening problems, 164–70
aggressive listening, 167, 170
eavesdropping, 165–67
and misunderstandings, 193–94
narcissistic listening, 170
pseudo-listening, 167
selective listening, 164–65
living situation, nonverbal communication through, 230
long-distance relationships
friends, 373–76
maintaining, 304–5, 374–76
romantic, 304–5
long-term memory, 152
looking-glass self, 41
loudness, vocal, 223
love, 282–85. See also romantic relationships
and accommodation, 257
attitudes, Self-Quiz, 285
companionate, 284
defined, 282
passionate, 282–84
love-intimacy touch, 224
Lovely Bones, The (Sebold), 190
low-context cultures, 181
low power-distance cultures, 252
low self-monitors, 22–23
ludus, 284
lying. See deception/lying
Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand (Simonson), 282–83
Making Relationship Choices
Balancing Impressions and Empathy, 102–3
Choosing between Friends, 378–79
Dealing with a Difficult Friend, 30–31
Dealing with Difficult Truths, 202–3
Dealing with Family Conflict, 272–73
Dealing with a Jealous Partner, 314–15
Dealing with Mixed Messages, 236–37
Dealing with Workplace Abuse, 414–15
Ethics and Self-Disclosure, 66–67
Listening When You Don’t Want To, 168–69
Managing Anger and Providing Support, 138–39
Struggling with Family Transitions, 346–47
mania, 284
mask
online self, 56
public self as, 52–54
matching, 290
meaning, conveying, nonverbal communication, 213, 231–32
media
defined, 7
impact on self-esteem, 44
meetings, online, 393–94
memory
improving. See memory improvement
recall, 155–57
short- and long-term, 152
memory improvement
bizarreness effect, 157
mnemonics, 156
men. See also gender
brains of, 86
mental bracketing, 151
mental management, 376
mere exposure effect, 289
message in communication
in communication models, 8–10
in defensive communication, 199
defined, 6
in nonverbal communication, 231–32
messaging, online. See online communication; text-messaging
meta-communication, defined, 16
Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, 145–46
misunderstandings, 193–94
defined, 193
and listening problems, 193–94
online, 194
and perception, 78
mixed messages, 213, 236
mixed-status relationships, 399–406
advocacy, 400–401
compliments/criticism, giving, 404–5
defined, 400
downward communication, guidelines for, 402–5
maintaining, strategies for, 405–6
upward communication, guidelines for, 400–402
workplace abuse, 406–7, 411–14
mnemonics, 156
model minority myth, 403
monitoring, relational intrusion, 311–12
mood
defined, 114
impact on interpersonal communication, 114–15
improving, 115
M-time orientation, 226–28
multitasking online, avoiding, 150–51
naming, 186–87
narcissistic listening, 170
negative feedback, from listeners, 153–54
negativity, and neuroticism, 121–22
networks
organizational, 390–92
supportive. See social networks
neuroticism
defined, 90
and emotional displays, 121
as personality trait, 90–91
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy for, 121–22
noise
in communication models, 8–9
pollution, and hearing/listening, 148–49
nonverbal communication, 211–39
affect displays, 232
ambiguity of, 212
codes for. See nonverbal communication codes
and culture, 213–14, 238–39
defined, 211
functions of, 231–38
and gender, 214–16
management of, 238–39
meaning, conveying with, 213, 231–38
mixed messages, 213
multiple channels in, 212
online, 211, 216–18, 223
power of, 209–11, 239
in relationship information, 16
relationships, functions in, 233–38
and rules, 212–13
nonverbal communication codes, 217–30
artifacts, 229–30
chronemics, 226–28
defined, 217
environment, 230
haptics, 223–25
kinesics, 218–21
physical appearance, 228–29
proxemics, 225–26
vocalics, 221–23
norms, workplace, 389
No Strings Attached (film), 377, 380–81
Notorious C.H.O., The (performance), 44
nuclear family, 325
online communication, 25–27. See also e-mail; Facebook; social networking (online); text-messaging
as asynchronous communication, 128
avoiding, situations for, 194
benefits and pitfalls of, 25–26
best practices related to, 26
communication competence guidelines, 25–27, 65
and conflict management, 262–63
defined, 25
e-mail, 25–27
emoticons, 211, 218
and family relationships, 335–36
forms of, 24–25, 32, 54
friendship, impact on, 25, 360–61
impact on interpersonal communication, 25, 32
and invisibility, 128
long-distance relationships, maintaining with, 305, 335–36, 374–75
message, matching to method, 25–26
multitasking online, avoiding, 150–51
nonverbal communication online, 211, 216–18, 223
versus in-person communication, 25–27, 194
problems. See online communication problems
romantic partners, 292–93, 304–5, 411
self-presentation. See online self
and stereotyping, 98
and telecommuting, 390
virtual networks, 390
virtual peers, 396–98
workplace relationships, 390, 393–95
online communication problems
attribution errors, 81–82
conflict, management guidelines, 262–63
cyberbullying, 407
cyberslacking at workplace, 394–95
deception/lying, 201, 292–93
difficult friend, dealing with, 30–31
emotions, inappropriate expression of, 127–29
empathy deficits, 128–29
flaming, 20, 27
misunderstandings, 194
provocateurs as aggressive listeners, 167
self-descriptions, misleading, 55–56
online self, 54–57
evaluation by others, 56–57
improving presentation, guidelines for, 57
interview test for checking, 57
mask, 56
positive approach to, 55
postings by others, checking, 57
self-descriptions, misleading, 55–56
self-disclosure, 64–65
warranting value, 56–57
openness, 58–60. See also self-disclosure
defined, 90
peer relationships, 397–98
as personality trait, 90–91
versus protection, in families, 338–40
in romantic relationships, 303
social penetration theory, 59–60
organization, and perception, 77–78
organizations
climate, defensive versus supportive, 392–93
culture of, 389–90
relationships in. See mixed-status relationships; peer relationships; workplace relationships
Other Guys, The (film), 407
ought self, 42, 44
outgroups, 87–88
pacifism, radical, 261
paraphrasing, in active listening, 154–55
parental favoritism, 343–45
Parks and Recreation (TV series), 410
passion/passionate love
defined, 132–33, 282
emotional experience of, 132–33, 282–84
peer relationships, 395–98
maintaining, strategies for, 397–98
mixed-status relationships, 399–402
professional peers, 395–96
types of, 396–97
virtual peers, 396–97
workplace romances, 409–11
people-oriented listeners, 161, 163, 164
perception, 76–105
anger, impact on, 130–31
attributions, 79–82
bias related to. See perceptual bias
certainty versus uncertainty, 82–84
and conflict, 246
and culture, 82–86
defined, 75
impressions of others. See interpersonal impressions
improving, guidelines for, 98–105
misunderstandings, avoiding, 78
and moods, 114–15
perception-checking, 101, 104
and personality, 91–92
process of, 76–105
responsible, to improve communications, 104–5
and romantic love, 285
perceptual bias
and attributions, 79–82
and schemata, 78–79
personal idioms, 179–80
personality, 89–92
Big Five traits, 90, 120–21
defined, 90
and emotional displays, 120–22
implicit theories of, 92
and perception, 91–92
and romantic attraction, 290
Self-Quiz, 91
personality clashes, 247
personal space
communication through. See proxemics
defined, 225
perspective-taking
defined, 99
and empathy, 99–100
physical appearance
defined, 218, 229
nonverbal communication through, 228–29
and romantic attraction, 289–90
physical needs, 18
pitch of voice, 222–23
pluralistic families, 332–33
Pollyanna (Porter), 94
Pollyanna effect, 94
positive feedback, from listeners, 153–54
positivity
in family relationships, 335
in friendships, 369
peer relations, 397
positivity bias, 94
in romantic relationships, 300–301
posture, nonverbal messages in, 220–21
power, 248–54
in abusive relationships, 316
characteristics of, 249–50
and conflict, 250
and conflict management, 252, 258
and culture, 251–53, 252–53
currencies, 251
defined, 220, 248
Dyadic Power Theory, 249–50
ethical factors, 250
and gender, 253–54
parent-child, 332–33
and posture, 220–21
power-distance, 252–53
and sexual harassment, 411–13
workplace bullying, 407–9
power-distance, 252–53
defined, 252
high versus low distance countries, 252
Self-Quiz, 253
pragma, 284
praise, mixed-status relationships, 404
preoccupied attachment, 48
primary emotions, 115
privacy
among family members, 339–40
among friends, 369
invasion of, in relationships, 311–12
workplace online activities, 395
private self, 51
and relationships, 61–62
professional peers, 395–96. See also peer relationships
pronouns
“I” versus “you” language, 194–95
preferred gender pronouns (PGPs), 187
“we” language, 195
protective families, 333
provocateurs, 167
proxemics
and culture, 214, 224, 226
defined, 218, 225
and gender, 216
nonverbal communication through, 225–26, 234–35
power-distance, 252–53
proximity
personal space. See proxemics
and romantic attraction, 289
pseudo-conflict, 256
pseudo-listening, 167
P-time orientation, 227–28
public self, 51–54
face and losing face, 52–54
as mask, 52
and relationships, 61–62
public space, 225
punctuation, and organization, 77–78
Punnovada Sutta (Buddhist text), 261
Pursuit of Happiness, The (Myers), 413, 417
qualitative research, 20
quantitative research, 20
questions, in supportive communication, 137
quid pro quo harassment, 412
race
interethnic marriage and divorce, 304
perceptual judgment based on, 87
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, 121
reactivity, conflict management, 258, 266–67
reappraisal of emotions, 126–27
recalling, in listening process, 155–57
receiving
in communication process, 8–9
in listening process, 148–49
reciprocal liking, 291
regulative rules, of language, 179, 182
regulators, 220
relational dialects, 287
relational intrusion, 311–12
relational self, 58–69. See also relationships
relationship information
elements of, 14–16
as meta-communication, 16
relationships. See also specific topics
attachment theory of, 46–48
conflict in. See conflict
family, 323–49
friendships, 355–81
intimacy, 234–35
liking versus loving, 282
managing with verbal communication, 190
mixed-status, 399–406
nonverbal management of, 233–38
openness in, 58–60
peer, 395–98
power in, 248–50
public and hidden selves in, 60–62
relational maintenance, 299–306
relationship goals, 19
relationship information, 14–16
romantic, 281–317
and self, 58–69
self-disclosure, 62–68
and self-esteem, 42
social penetration theory, 59–60
at workplace, 385–417
relationship talks, in romantic relationships, 303
religiosity, and happiness, 116
research. See communication research
resource currency, 251
resources, and romantic attraction, 291–92
responding, in listening process, 153–55
rituals, stepfamilies, 343
Rock On (Kennedy), 62–63
romantic relationship problems
abusive partner, tactics of, 316
betrayal, forms of, 307–10
coming apart, stages in, 296–98
jealousy, 310–11
maintaining relationship, decision about, 306
relational intrusion, 311–12
sexual infidelity, 307–8
violence, 313, 316
romantic relationships, 281–317
attraction, 288–92
and choice, 286
and commitment, 287
and culture, 283
defined, 285
development, stages in, 293–98
elements of, 285–88
friendship-first couples, 376–77
and gender, 284
long-distance, maintaining, 304–5
maintaining, strategies for, 299–306
managing with verbal communication, 190
and online communication, 292–93, 304–5, 411
passionate love, 282–84
problems in. See romantic relationship problems
reciprocal liking, 291
relational dialects of, 287
and resources of other, 291–92
at workplace, 409–11
family communication, 324
family privacy, 339–40
friendship, 368–70
lack of, and nonverbal communication, 212–13
of language, 179, 182
mixed-status relationships, 405
relationship, as source of conflict, 247
workplace norms, 389
salience
defined, 76
and listening process, 149, 164–65
and perception, 76
Sapir-Whorf hypothesis, 185–86
Saturday Night Live (TV series), 53
Say Yes to the Dress (TV series), 228
schemata, 78–79
defined, 78–79
Gestalts, constructing, 93–94
and interpersonal communication, 78–79
scripts
in conversations, 188–89
defined, 188
secure attachment, 48
selection, and perception, 76
selective listening, 164–65
self, 39–59
and culture, 48–51
defined, 39
face and losing face, 52–54
family influences, 46–48
and gender, 45–46
private self, 51, 61–62
public self, 51–54, 61–62
relational self, 58–69
self-actualization, 18
self-awareness, 39–40, 69
self-concept, 40–41
self-description, 56–57
self-disclosure, 62–68
self-esteem, 41–45
self-monitoring, 22–23
self-presentation, 18–19
self-reflection, critical, 40
self-serving bias, 82
social penetration theory, 59–60
self-actualization needs, 18
self-awareness, 39–40
critical self-reflection, 40, 69
defined, 39
improving, tips for, 40
self-concept
components of, 40–41
defined, 40
and gender socialization, 46
and self-fulfilling prophecy, 41
self-descriptions, warranting value of information, 56–57
self-disclosure, 62–68. See also openness
and culture, 64, 68
defined, 63
ethical factors, 66
in family relationships, 335
and friendship, 353–54, 369, 370–71
and gender, 65, 68
improving, tips for, 65, 68
and online communication, 64–65
in romantic relationships, 302–3
self-discrepancy theory
defined, 42
of self-esteem, 42
self-enhancing thoughts, 267–68
self-esteem, 41–45
defined, 41
improving, 43–44
media, influence on, 44
self-discrepancy theory of, 42
self-quiz, 45
self-fulfilling prophecy
defined, 41
and self-concept, 41
self-monitoring
high and low, 22
Self-Quiz, 23
self-presentation
goals of, 18–19
nonverbal communication of, 232–33
online. See online self
Self-Quiz
Are You a High or a Low Power-Distance Person?, 253
Are You an M-Time or a P-Time Person?, 227
Assessing Your Emotional Intelligence, 124
Dark Side of Interpersonal Relationships, The, 32
Discover Your Attachment Style, 61
Discover Your Listening Styles, 162
Friendship Distance-Durability, 375
How Do You Approach Conflict?, 256
How Much Family Favoritism Exists?, 345
How Often Do You Betray Romantic Partners?, 307
Multitasking and Attention, 150–51
Test Your Chronic Hostility, 131
Test Your Deception Acceptance, 204
Test Your Empathy, 100
Test Your Knowledge of American Dialects, 180
Test Your Love Attitudes, 285
Test Your Maintenance of Peer Relationships, 398
Test Your Nonverbal Dominance Knowledge, 235
Test Your Perception of Sexual Harassment, 412
Test Your Self-Disclosure, 23
Test Your Self-Esteem, 45
What Communication Pattern Does Your Family Have?, 331
What Kind of Friend Are You?, 363
What Kind of Personality Do You Have?, 91
self-reflection, critical, exploring, 40
self-serving bias, 82
senders in communication, 8–9
separation, conflict management by, 264
September 11, emotions experienced, 117–19
sex, biological, versus gender, 28, 46, 359n
Sex and the City (TV series), 361–62, 365
sexual harassment, 411–13
coping with, 413
defined, 412
forms of, 411
sexual infidelity, 307–8
coping with, 308, 310
and culture, 310
response, and gender, 308
sexuality
FWB (friends with benefits), 377, 380–81
romantic relationships, 284, 295
sexual-arousal touch, 224
sexual orientation. See also gay and lesbian; LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, queer)
defined, 29
impact on interpersonal communication, 29
naming issue, 186–87
preferred gender pronouns (PGPs), 187
private versus public self, 51
sharing
in friendships, 356–57
tasks, in romantic relationships, 301
short-term memory, 152
Shrek (film), 58–59
siblings, parental favoritism, 343–45
similarity, and romantic attraction, 290
single-parent families, 326
skirting, 255
Skype
long-distance relationships, maintaining with, 305, 374
virtual networks, 390
virtual peers, 396–97
small talk, 294
sniping, 255
social class, and happiness, 116
social comparison
defined, 40
and self-awareness, 40
social exchange theory, of romantic attraction, 291
gender, 46–47
organizational culture, 389–90
social needs, 18
social network currency, 251
social networking (online). See also Facebook
benefits and pitfalls of, 25–26
jealousy, provoking, 311
popular sites, 54
self-presentation. See online self
virtual networks, 390
social networks. See also friendship
family members in, 337–38
and romantic partners, 303–4
supportive, fostering, 304
undermining, 304
social penetration theory, 59–60
social-polite touch, 223
social space, 225
South Park (TV series), 21–22
special peers, 396–97
speech acts, 187–88
speech rate, 223
spillover hypothesis, 348
stagnating stage, relationship breakup, 297
stalking, 312
stepfamilies, 342–43
defined, 326
transition to, tips for, 342–43
triangulation in, 342–43
stereotyping, 95–98
defined, 96
gender and verbal communication, 195–95
as interethnic friendship barrier, 367
and interpersonal impressions, 95–98
naming issue in, 186
Native American portraits, 209–10, 239
overcoming, 98
“Stop All the Clocks” (Auden), 134
storge, 284
stress management, and self-disclosure, 65
structural improvements, conflict management by, 266
submissiveness
defined, 238
nonverbal communication of, 238
subordinates, workplace, relationships with. See mixed-status relationships
sudden-death statements, 268–69
superiority messages, in defensive communication, 199
supervisors, relationships with. See mixed-status relationships
supportive communication
defined, 136
in friendships, 357, 369
to grieving persons, 136–37
and listening, 159
support groups, for grieving, 135
supportive workplace climate, 392–93
suppression of emotions, 123, 125, 130–31, 135–36
survival stories, family, 328
symbols
defined, 178
in language, 178–79, 186
symmetrical relationships, 249
technology, and conflict management, 262–63
telecommuting, 390
terminating stage, relationship breakup, 297–98
Terminator, The (film), 263–64
territoriality, 225
text-messaging. See also online communication
and communication situation, 25
as conflict mediation channel, 262
long-distance relationships, maintaining with, 305, 335–36, 374–75
professionals, use of, 393
theory, and research, 19–20
thoughts, relationship to language, 184–86
time
communication through. See chronemics
sharing, in friendships, 370
time-oriented listeners, 161
time-oriented listeners, 161, 163, 164
tone of voice, 222
touch, communication through. See haptics
transactional communication
interpersonal communication as, 11
model of, 9–10
transgendered persons, and language labels, 187
triangulation
in stepfamilies, 342–43
trust, and friendship, 369
Twilight (Meyer), 132–33
poor communication choices, 55
professionals, use of, 393
uncertainty
and interpersonal communication, 82–84
reducing, to improve communication, 83–84
Uncertainty Reduction Theory, 83
understanding. See also misunderstandings
defined, 152
in listening process, 151–52, 193–94
and memory, 152
unsolvable disputes, 274
upward communication, guidelines for, 400–402
valued social identities, 362–63, 369
values
defined, 40
workplace, 389
venting, 125, 131
verbal aggression, 200–201
causes of, 200
defending self against, 200–201
defined, 200
verbal communication, 177–205. See also language
communication accommodation theory, 196–97
and culture, 180–81
defined, 177
effective. See cooperative verbal communication
functions of, 182–90
power of, 177, 205
problems related to. See interpersonal communication problems
violence
and conflict, 270–71
dating violence, 313, 316
physical, in close relationships, 270
virtual networks, organizational, 390
virtual peers, 396–97
vocalics
defined, 218, 221
emotions conveyed with, 232
nonverbal communication through, 221–23
vocal characteristics, 221–23
voice, communicating with. See vocalics
warranting theory, self-descriptions, 56–57
wedging, 311
“we” language, 195
What Not to Wear (TV series), 158
White Privilege (McIntosh), 87
Winfrey, Oprah, friendship with Gayle King, 353–55, 381
win-lose situations, 264–65
Wizard of Oz, The (film), 349
women. See also gay and lesbian; gender
brain of, 86
gender equality, 253–54
“Word of the Year,” 181
words, new, 181–82
abusive, 406–7, 411–14
bullying in workplace, 407–9
cliques, 391
defensive versus supportive climates, 392–93
defined, 387
dimensions of, 387–88
and happiness, 413, 417
information flows, 390–92
online communication, 390, 393–95
and organizational culture, 389–90
organizational networks, 390–92
and organizational status. See mixed-status relationships
professional peers. See peer relationships
sexual harassment, 411–13
workplace romances, 409–11
world-mindfulness, 100–101
World of Warcraft, 25, 53
Written on the Body (Winterson), 234
Wuthering Heights (Brontë), 165–66
“you” language, 194
YouTube, 216–17
Zombieland (film), 367–68
