George Olsen sent the following letter to his girlfriend shortly after he was sent to Vietnam in August 1969. The previous year, more than 16,000 American soldiers were killed, the largest one-year total of the war. By the time Olsen arrived in Vietnam, many Americans believed that the United States should withdraw its troops, and antiwar protests in America had escalated dramatically. Olsen was killed in action in March 1970.
31 Aug ’69
Dear Red,
Last Monday I went on my first hunter-killer operation. . . . The frightening thing about it all is that it is so very easy to kill in war. There’s no remorse, no theatrical “washing of the hands” to get rid of nonexistent blood, not even any regrets. When it happens, you are more afraid than you’ve ever been in your life—my hands shook so much I had trouble reloading. . . . You’re scared, really scared, and there’s no thinking about it. You kill because that little SOB is doing his best to kill you and you desperately want to live, to go home, to get drunk or walk down the street on a date again. And suddenly the grenades aren’t going off any more, the weapons stop and, unbelievably fast it seems, it’s all over. . . .
I have truly come to envy the honest pacifist who honestly believes that no killing is permissible and can, with a clear conscience, stay home and not take part in these conflicts. I wish I could do the same, but I can’t see letting another take my place and my risks over here. . . . The only reason pacifists such as the Amish can even live in an orderly society is because someone—be they police or soldiers—is taking risks to keep the wolves away. . . . I guess that’s why I’m over here, why I fought so hard to come here, and why, even though I’m scared most of the time, I’m content to be here.
Source: Bernard Edelman, ed., Dear America: Letters Home from Vietnam (New York: Pocket Books, 1985), 204–5.
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