The Persuasion Game

At the time, Sandy’s and Don’s daughter, Laura, was only 3 1/2 years old, happily munching her Cheerios and doodling pictures in the butter on her bread. Don sat across from her at the kitchen table, reading a draft of this chapter. “Don’t play with your food, Laura,” Don said without looking up.

”Okay, Daddy,” she chirped. “Daddy, are you in a happy mood?” Don paused. “Yes, I’m in a happy mood, Laura,” he said thoughtfully. “Are you in a happy mood?”

“Yes, Daddy,” Laura replied as she made the banana peel dance around her placemat. “Daddy, will you get me a Mermaid Barbie doll for my birthday?”

Ah, so young and so clever! From very early in life, we learn the basics of persuasion—the deliberate attempt to influence the attitudes or behavior of another person in a situation in which that person has some freedom of choice. Clearly, Laura had figured out one basic rule: She’s more likely to persuade Mom or Dad when they’re in “a happy mood.”

Professional persuaders often manipulate people’s attitudes and behavior using techniques based on two fundamental social norms: the rule of reciprocity and the rule of commitment (Cialdini & Sagarin, 2005). Here we’ll provide you with some practical suggestions to avoid being taken in by persuasion techniques.

The Rule of Reciprocity

The rule of reciprocity is a simple but powerful social norm (Burger & others, 2009; Shen & others, 2011). If someone gives you something or does you a favor, you feel obligated to return the favor. So after a classmate lets you copy her lecture notes for the class session you missed, you feel obligated to return a favor when she asks for one.

The “favor” can be almost anything freely given, such as a free soft drink, a free food sample in a grocery store, a free gardening workshop at your local hardware store, a free guide, booklet, planning kit, or trial. The rule of reciprocity is part of the sales strategy used by companies that offer “free” in-home trials of their products. It’s also why department stores that sell expensive cosmetics offer “free” makeovers.

Technically, you are under “no obligation” to buy anything. Nonetheless, the tactic often creates an uncomfortable sense of obligation, so you do feel pressured to reciprocate by buying the product (Cialdini, 2009).

One strategy that uses the rule of reciprocity is called the door-in-the-face technique (Turner & others, 2007). First, the persuader makes a large request that you’re certain to refuse. For example, Joe asks to borrow $500. You figuratively “slam the door in his face” by quickly turning him down. But then Joe, apologetic, appears to back off and makes a much smaller request—to borrow $20. From your perspective, it appears that Joe has made a concession to you and is trying to be reasonable. This puts you in the position of reciprocating with a concession of your own. “Well, I can’t lend you $500,” you grumble, “but I guess I could lend you 20 bucks.” Of course, the persuader’s real goal was to persuade you to comply with the second, smaller request.

The rule of reciprocity is also operating in the that’s-not-all technique (Burger, 2011). First, the persuader makes an offer. But before you can accept or reject it, the persuader appears to throw in something extra to make the deal even more attractive to you. So as you’re standing there mulling over the price of the more expensive high-definition, flat-panel television, the salesperson says, “Listen, I’m offering you a great price but that’s not all I’ll do—I’ll throw in some top-of-the-line HDMI connector cables at no charge.” From your perspective, it appears as though the salesperson has just done you a favor by making a concession you did not ask for. This creates a sense of obligation for you to reciprocate by buying the “better” package.

The Rule of Commitment

Another powerful social norm is the rule of commitment. Once you make a public commitment, there is psychological and interpersonal pressure on you to behave consistently with your earlier commitment. The foot-in-the-door technique is one strategy that capitalizes on the rule of commitment (Guéguen & others, 2008; Rodafinos & others, 2005). Here’s how it works.

First, the persuader makes a small request that you’re likely to agree to. For example, she might stop you on the street and ask you to sign a petition supporting some social cause. By agreeing to do so, you’ve made a small commitment to the social cause. At that point, she has gotten her “foot in the door.” Next, the persuader asks you to comply with a second, larger request, such as making a donation to the group she represents. Because of your earlier commitment, you feel psychologically pressured to behave consistently by now agreeing to the larger commitment (Cialdini, 2009).

The rule of commitment is also operating in the low-ball technique. First, the persuader gets you to make a commitment by deliberately understating the cost of the product you want. He’s thrown you a “low ball,” one that is simply too good to turn down. In reality, the persuader has no intention of honoring the artificially low price.

Here’s an example of the low-ball technique in action: You’ve negotiated an excellent price (the “low ball”) on a used car and filled out the sales contract. The car salesman shakes your hand and beams, then takes your paperwork into his manager’s office for approval. Ten minutes pass—enough time for you to convince yourself that you’ve made the right decision and solidify your commitment to it.

At that point, the salesman comes back from his manager’s office looking dejected. “I’m terribly sorry,” the car salesman says. “My manager won’t let me sell the car at that price because we’d lose too much money on the deal. I told him I would even take a lower commission, but he won’t budge.”

Notice what has happened. The attractive low-ball price that originally prompted you to make the commitment has been pulled out from under your feet. What typically happens? Despite the loss of the original inducement to make the purchase—the low-ball price—people often feel compelled to keep their commitment to make the purchase even though it is at a higher price (Cialdini, 2009).

Defending Against Persuasion Techniques

It is increasingly important to be aware that persuasive messages can impact your attitudes and behavior. For several years now, online advertisers have targeted messages directly to you based on your online behavior, such as your browsing history (Ur & others, 2012). But they may now also be targeting you based on your personality.

Researchers at the University of Cambridge teamed up with researchers at Microsoft and found that some of your personality traits, such as how outgoing or anxious you are, can be predicted from your Facebook profile (Bachrach & others, 2012). Related to this, other researchers found improved persuasion when ads were matched to personality (Hirsh & others, 2012). Specifically, for an ad for a cell phone, outgoing people responded best when they were promised “you’ll always be where the excitement is,” and anxious people responded best when they were told that the phone would help them “stay safe and secure.”

So, in a world where you are increasingly targeted, how can you reduce the likelihood that you’ll be manipulated into making a decision that may not be in your best interest? Here are three practical suggestions.

1. Sleep on it.

Persuasive transactions typically occur quickly. Part of this is our own doing. We’ve finally decided to go look at a new laptop, automobile, or whatever, so we’re psychologically primed to buy the product. The persuader uses this psychological momentum to help coax you into signing on the dotted line right then and there. It’s only later, of course, that you sometimes have second thoughts. So when you think you’ve got the deal you want, tell the persuader that you always sleep on important decisions before making a final commitment.

The sleep-on-it rule often provides an opportunity to discover whether the persuader is deliberately trying to pressure or manipulate you. If the persuader responds to your sleep-on-it suggestion by saying something like “This offer is good for today only,” then it’s likely that he or she is afraid that your commitment to the deal will crumble if you think about it too carefully or look elsewhere.

2. Play devil’s advocate.

List all of the reasons why you should not buy the product or make a particular commitment (Albarracín & Vargas, 2010; Crano & Prislin, 2006). Arguing against the decision will help activate your critical thinking skills. It’s also helpful to discuss important decisions with a friend, who might be able to point out disadvantages that you have overlooked.

3. When in doubt, do nothing.

Learn to trust your gut feelings when something doesn’t feel quite right. If you feel that you’re being psychologically pressured or cornered, you probably are. As a general rule, if you feel any sense of hesitation, lean toward the conservative side and do nothing. If you take the time to think things over, you’ll probably be able to identify the source of your reluctance.