Chapter 10: Relationships with Romantic Partners

Positivity

Positivity includes communicating in a cheerful and optimistic fashion, doing unsolicited favors, and giving unexpected gifts. Partners involved in romantic relationships cite positivity as the most important maintenance tactic for ensuring happiness (Dainton & Stafford, 1993). This holds true for men and women in straight relationships (Stafford, 2010), and for same-sex partners in gay and lesbian romances (Haas & Stafford, 2005). You use positivity when:⁴

You try to make each interaction with your partner enjoyable.
You try to build your partner up by giving him or her compliments.
You try to be fun, upbeat, and romantic with your partner.

You undermine positivity when:

You constantly look for and complain about problems in your relationship without offering solutions.
You whine, pout, and sulk when you don’t get your way.
You criticize favors and gifts from your partner.

⁴All bulleted items that follow are adapted from the revised relationship maintenance behavior scale of Stafford (2010).