Chapter 10: Relationships with Romantic Partners

Assurances

An additional maintenance tactic is assurances: messages that emphasize how much a partner means to you, how important the relationship is, and that describe a secure future together. Assurances may be expressed directly, such as saying, “I love you” or “I can’t see myself ever being with anyone but you.” You may also communicate assurances more indirectly, by emphasizing the value you place on your time together—for example, sending a text message saying, “I can’t wait to see you again” (Rabby, 1997). You use assurances when:

You regularly tell your partner how devoted you are to your relationship.
You talk about future plans and events to be shared together (e.g., anniversaries, vacations, marriage, children).
You do and say things to demonstrate the depth of your feelings for your partner.

You undermine assurances when:

You flirt with others and talk about how attractive they are in front of your partner.
You tell your partner not to count on anything long term.
You systematically avoid pledging love or fidelity to your partner.