Of course, not all romantic involvements are worth the effort to maintain. In some cases, it may be healthier to end the involvement rather than try to foster its survival. The decision of whether to maintain or dissolve a struggling romance is one of the most challenging interpersonal decisions we face.

As one way to work through this decision, familiarize yourself with the characteristics of couples whose relationships survive. Three factors—each of which we’ve discussed—can help predict survival of a romantic relationship. First is the degree to which the partners consider themselves “in love.” Partners are more likely to stay together if they think of themselves as in love, are considering marriage or a lifelong commitment, rate their relationship as high in closeness, or date each other exclusively (Hill et al., 1976). Second is equity. Romantic relationships are happiest and most stable when the balance of giving and getting is equal for both partners (Hatfield et al., 1985). Third is similarity. Highly similar partners are more likely to stay together than partners who are dissimilar (Hill et al., 1976). To determine how well your relationship meets these criteria, ask yourself the following questions:

If you answer “yes” to these questions, your relationship may warrant investment in maintenance. But remember: deciding whether to maintain a struggling relationship or to let it go is a choice only you can make. Friends, family members, pop-culture relationship experts, and even textbooks can’t tell you when to keep or when to leave a romantic involvement. That being said, romantic relationships are in many ways practical endeavors. Your decision to maintain or end a struggling romance should be based on a long-term forecast of your relationship. Stacking your relationship up against those three criteria can give you insight into whether your relationship has a solid foundation on which to invest further effort.