They met while working together at WJZ-TV in Baltimore. Oprah was the six o’clock news anchor and Gayle was a production assistant.¹ One night a snowstorm blew in, making the roads perilous. Oprah suggested that Gayle stay over at her place, rather than risk the drive home. Gayle accepted. As the two chatted in the warmth of Oprah’s apartment, they learned of their radically different economic backgrounds. Gayle was from an upper-middle-class family; Oprah had grown up poor. “Gayle had a pool growing up!” exclaims Oprah. “She had a maid. My mother was a maid. You know what I’m saying?” But the more they talked, the more they realized their commonalities. “We became friends that first night because for the first time, I met somebody who I felt was like me,” describes Gayle. “Oprah and I had the same sensibilities. We liked the same kind of music. We both had been the only black girls in our schools. And we were the same age, we were both single, and we just immediately bonded. And we’ve been friends ever since.”

The cornerstones of Gayle and Oprah’s now-iconic friendship are communication, support, and trust. The two typically talk three or four times a day, regardless of how busy they are. But it isn’t just the frequency of interaction that cements their bond; it’s the degree of disclosure. “We talk about everything and anything,” says Gayle. “I don’t want to offend her, but I’m never afraid to be truthful with her.”

Oprah and Gayle offer each other unconditional support. As Oprah describes, “We’re talking about a relationship in which someone always loves you, always respects you, wants the best for you in every single situation of your life. Lifts you up. Supports you. Always!” The two women trust each other to never betray their friendship. Oprah once hosted an episode of her TV show in which she interviewed women who had slept with their best friend’s husbands. This type of betrayal is inconceivable to the two. “That is not possible in this relationship,” says Oprah. Gayle added, “I know for sure: I will never sleep with [Oprah’s boyfriend] Stedman!”

A common tabloid story about Oprah and Gayle is that they are actually lovers. This irks Oprah because, if she was a lesbian and Gayle was her lover, the two would be open and honest about it. At the same time, Oprah isn’t surprised. “I understand why people think we’re gay. There isn’t a definition in our culture for this kind of bond between women. So I get why people have to label it—how can you be this close without it being sexual? How else can you explain this level of intimacy?”

Gayle and Oprah have been best friends for more than 30 years. But despite all the public scrutiny their friendship has undergone, and all the effort they’ve put in to maintain it, there’s still an aspect of it that defies description. “There isn’t a model for something like this,” offers Oprah. “Something about this relationship feels otherworldly to me, like it was designed by a power and a hand greater than my own. Whatever this friendship is, it’s been a very fun ride—and we’ve taken it together.”

¹The information that follows is adapted from Kogan (2006).