A final challenge facing friends is attraction to one another beyond friendship: romantic, sexual, or both. Men typically report more of a desire for romantic involvement with their platonic cross-sex friends than do women (Schneider & Kenny, 2000). However, one study found that 87 percent of college-age women and 93 percent of college-age men reported feeling sexually attracted to a friend at some point in their lives (Asada, Morrison, Hughes, & Fitzpatrick, 2003).

When attraction does blossom between friends, same-sex or cross-sex, pursuing a sexual or romantic relationship brings about challenges. Friends who feel attracted to one another typically report high uncertainty as a result: both regarding the nature of their relationship and whether or not their friend feels the same way (Weger & Emmett, 2009).

Friends cope with attraction by doing one of three things. Some simply repress the attraction, most commonly out of respect for their friendship (Messman, Canary & Hause, 2000). This usually occurs through mental management—doing things to actively manage how the friends think about each other so that the attraction is diminished (Halatsis & Christakis, 2009). These may include promises to not pursue the attraction, a strict avoidance of flirting, and the curtailing of activities (such as going out drinking) that might inadvertently lead to sexual interaction (Halatsis & Christakis, 2009). Alternatively, as we discuss below, some friends act on their attraction by either developing a full-fledged romantic involvement, or blending their friendship with sexual activity through a “friends-with-benefits” arrangement.