Many friends who develop an attraction opt to pursue a romantic relationship. The first and most powerful cue of such desire is a radical increase in the amount of time the friends spend flirting with each other (Weger & Emmett, 2009). Although people in Western cultures like to think of friendships and romantic relationships as strictly separate, many enduring and successful romances evolve from friendships. One of the strongest predictors of whether or not a friendship can successfully transition to romance is simply whether the friends already possess romantic beliefs that link friendship with love (Hendrick & Hendrick, 1992).

Although it’s commonly believed that pursuing a romantic relationship will “kill the friendship” if or when the romance fizzles, the results actually are mixed. People who were friends prior to a romance are much more likely to be friends following a failed romance than those who were not friends first (Schneider & Kenny, 2000). However, postromance friendships tend to be less close than those with friends who have always been platonic. How can you successfully transition from friendship to romance, or back again? First, expect difference. Romantic relationships and friendships are fundamentally different in expectations, demands, commitment, and corresponding emotional intensity. Don’t presume that your feelings, those of your partner, or the interplay between you two, will be the same. Second, emphasize disclosure. Relationship transitions tend to evoke high uncertainty, as partners worry about what the other thinks and feels, and wonder where the relationship is going. To reduce this uncertainty, share your feelings in an open and honest fashion, and encourage your partner to do the same. Finally, offer assurances. Let your partner know that whether you two are friends or lovers, you stand by him or her, and your relationship, regardless. This is especially important when transitioning back to friendship from romance, as your partner may believe that your relationship is now over.