Active listeners also communicate attention and understanding through saying things after their conversational partners have finished their turns—things that make it clear they were listening. One way to do this is by paraphrasing, summarizing others’ comments after they have finished (“My read on your message is that . . .” or “You seem to be saying that . . .”). This practice can help you check the accuracy of your understanding during both face-to-face and online encounters. Paraphrasing should be used judiciously, however. Some conversational partners may find paraphrasing annoying if you use it a lot or they view it as contrived. Paraphrasing can also lead to conversational lapses, silences of three seconds or longer that participants perceive as awkward (McLaughlin & Cody, 1982). One reason for such awkward lapses is that paraphrasing does little to usefully advance the conversational topic forward in new and interesting ways (Heritage & Watson, 1979). To avoid this problem, always couple your paraphrasing with additional comments or questions that usefully build on the previous topic or take the conversation in new directions.

Of course, on some occasions, we simply don’t understand what others have said. In such instances, it’s perfectly appropriate to respond by seeking clarification rather than paraphrasing, saying, “I’m sorry, but could you explain that again? I want to make sure I understood you correctly.” This technique not only helps you clarify the meaning of what you’re hearing, it also enables you to communicate your desire to understand the other person.