In Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë’s classic tale of romance and vengeance, a major turning point occurs when Heathcliff eavesdrops on a conversation between his lover Catherine and Nelly, the story’s narrator. Heathcliff’s interpretation of Catherine’s comments cause him to abandon her, setting in motion a tragic series of events that lead to Catherine’s death (Brontë, 1995).

We often assume that our conversations occur in isolation and that the people standing, sitting, or walking around us can’t hear the exchange. But they can. As sociologist Erving Goffman (1979) noted, the presence of other individuals within the auditory and visual range of a conversation should be considered the rule and not the exception. This is the case even with phone conversations, e-mail, and texting. Most cell-phone conversations occur with others in the immediate proximity, and e-mail and texting are no more secure than a postcard.

When people intentionally and systematically set up situations so they can listen to private conversations, they are eavesdropping (Goffman, 1979). People eavesdrop for a host of reasons: desire to find out if someone is sharing personally, professionally, or legally incriminating information; suspicion that others are talking behind their backs; or even simple curiosity. Eavesdropping is both inappropriate and unethical (hence, incompetent) because it robs others of their right to privacy and it disrespects their decision to not share certain information with you. Perhaps not surprisingly, the social norms governing this behavior are powerful. If people believe that you eavesdropped on a conversation, they typically will be upset and angry, and they may threaten reprisals. Eavesdropping can be personally damaging as well. People occasionally say spiteful or hurtful things that they don’t really mean, simply to impress others, fit in, or draw attention to themselves. The lesson is clear: don’t eavesdrop, no matter how tempting it might be.