You stayed up late the night before to finish a report, and, when you finally got to bed, one of your kids got sick and kept you up the rest of the night. Now it’s the afternoon and you’re sitting in a warm and cozy coffeehouse, listening to your friend tell you a story she’s already shared with you several times previously. Try as you might, you find yourself fading. But you don’t want to embarrass yourself or your friend, so you do your best to play the part of an active listener—maintaining good eye contact, nodding your head, and contributing appropriate responses when needed.

You’re engaging in pseudo-listening, behaving as if you’re paying attention though you’re really not. Pseudo-listening is obviously an ineffective way to listen because it prevents us from attending to or understanding information coming from the other person. Thus, we can’t recall the encounter later. Pseudo-listening is also somewhat unethical because it’s deceptive. To be sure, occasional instances of pseudo-listening to veil fatigue or protect a friend’s feelings (such as in our example) are understandable. But if you continually engage in pseudo-listening during your encounters with others, eventually they will realize what’s going on and conclude that you’re dishonest or disrespectful. Consequently, pseudo-listening should be avoided.