Summary

• Language is symbolic. Words are the primary symbols that we use to represent people, objects, events, and ideas in verbal communication.
  • When we agree with others on the meanings of words, we communicate easily.
  • Some words have several possible meanings, making confusion possible.
• Language is governed by rules. Constitutive rules define word meaning, while regulative rules govern how language is used in verbal communication.
• Language is flexible.
  • People often bend constitutive and regulative rules.
  • People often create personal idioms—words and phrases that have unique meanings to them.
  • Dialects are creative variations on language rules, invented and shared by large groups of people who are joined by a common bond.
    • Most people prefer their own dialect, but it is important to avoid making negative or stereotypical judgments based on others’ dialects (e.g., presuming people from another geographical region are uneducated because their dialect includes slang).
• Languages and cultures are fused in fundamental ways.
  • Language is a set of symbols that members of a culture create to communicate their thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and values with one another. Once created, a language can bolster a sense of cultural identity and connectedness.
  • High- and low-context cultures presume listeners have different levels of shared prior knowledge. High-context cultures are less direct and more ambiguous; low-context cultures are more direct and informative.
• Language evolves.
  • Meanings may shift, new words may enter usage, and regulative rules may change over time.

• Verbal communication allows us to share two kinds of meanings during interpersonal encounters: denotative meaning and connotative meaning.
  • Denotative meaning is the literal meaning of words, as agreed upon by members of a culture. For example, the English-language noun spoon refers to a particular utensil used for eating.
  • Connotative meaning is the understanding of a word’s meaning based on the situation and knowledge shared by communicators. For example, a contemporary American snowboarder may compliment a friend by saying, “You crushed that trick.” The verb crush in snowboarding dialect stipulates conquer or master.
• Thoughts and perceptions of reality are shaped by verbal communication.
  • Linguistic determinism refers to the idea that language defines the boundaries of our thinking.
  • Linguistic relativity refers to the idea that because language determines our thoughts, and because different people from different cultures use different languages, people from different cultures perceive and think about the world in very different ways.
• Naming involves creating linguistic symbols for objects.
  • The decisions we make about what to name things ultimately determine not just the meanings we exchange but also our perceptions of the people, places, and objects about which we communicate.
• Speech acts are the actions that we perform with language, such as asking questions and providing answers to those questions.
• Crafting conversation, the most common type of language activity, involves four characteristics: Conversations are (1) interactive, meaning at least two people participate, (2) locally managed, meaning that conversation partners determine who speaks when and for how long, (3) universal, meaning conversation is common to all human cultures, and (4) adhere to scripts, meaning rigidly structured patterns of talk.
• Verbal communication enables us to forge, maintain, and end relationships.

• The Cooperative Principle stipulates that meaningful interactions are defined by our ability to communicate in certain ways so that others can understand us.
  • Be informative—present all information that is relevant and appropriate to share, given the situation, but also avoid being too informative.
    • The responsibility to be informative overlaps with the responsibility to be ethical, which obligates people to share information that has important personal and relational implications.
  • Be honest—do not share information that you are uncertain about or know is false. Honesty is the most important aspect of cooperative verbal communication.
  • Be relevant—when communicating, be responsive to what others have said. For example, avoid dodging questions or abruptly changing topics.
  • Be clear—present information in a straightforward way, without obscuring the information or making it ambiguous.
  • Misunderstanding occurs when someone misperceives another’s thoughts, feelings, or beliefs as expressed in their verbal communication.
    • Because misunderstanding occurs frequently online, many important messages are best communicated face-to-face.
  • Using “I” language emphasizes ownership of your feelings and communication, so avoid “you” language that places blame on others.
  • Using “we” language emphasizes inclusion and connection with others.
    • “We” language appears to increase harmony in relationships.
• Gender stereotypes suggest that men appreciate honest and clear language more than women, but these stereotypes obscure the reality of male and female communication: There are more similarities than differences.

• Communication apprehension refers to fear or anxiety associated with real or anticipated communication with other people.
  • Communication plans, plan actions, and plan contingencies can help overcome communication apprehension.
• Defensive communication (defensiveness) refers to impolite messages delivered in response to suggestions, criticisms, or perceived slights.
  • Defensive communicators may respond with dogmatic messages (e.g., “my way or the highway”), superiority messages (e.g., “I’m the only person who understands this topic”), indifference messages (e.g., “Your suggestions are stupid, so you should be quiet”), or control messages (e.g., “If you keep disagreeing with me, I’ll end this conversation”).
  • Defensive communicators are interpersonally incompetent because their behavior violates norms for appropriate behavior, rarely succeeds in effectively achieving interpersonal goals, and treats others with disrespect.
  • Managing this behavior involves identifying and avoiding triggers; using techniques such as reappraisal, the Jefferson strategy, and perception-checking; and using “I” and “we” language appropriately.
• Verbal aggression is the tendency to attack others’ self-concepts (e.g, character, abilities, physical appearance, etc.) rather than their positions on topics of conversation.
  • To prevent verbal aggression in yourself, try to identify root causes of aggression.
    • Verbal aggression may stem from a temporary mental state, from chronic hostility, or from the belief that acting aggressively will compel others to surrender.
  • To communicate with a verbally aggressive partner, (1) avoid teasing or baiting the person, (2) minimize your contact with that person, and (3) remain polite and calm. In situations when verbal aggression makes a conversation unproductive, you may choose to end the conversation.
  • Deception occurs when people deliberately use uninformative, untruthful, irrelevant, or vague language for the purpose of misleading others.
    • Concealment, leaving important or relevant information out of messages, is practiced more frequently than all other forms of deception combined—especially in online communication.
    • Deception is uncooperative, unethical, impractical, and destructive.
    • Cultural differences, such as high-context versus low-context, may cause concealment that is not malicious.