Although people often describe conflict as a series of unrelated events (“I sent her this carefully worded message, and for no reason, she blasted me in response!”), conflict is a process that unfolds over time. Its course is determined by the communication choices we make—everything we say and do during a conflict influences everything our partner says and does, and vice versa.

Moreover, most conflicts proceed through several stages, each involving decisions and actions that affect the conflict’s direction and consequences. In its most basic form, the process of conflict involves people perceiving that a conflict exists, choosing an approach for how to handle it, and then dealing with the resolutions and outcomes that follow. Conflict is not a one-time-only event: how you handle a conflict with someone will have consequences for your future interactions and relationship with that person.