A fourth way people handle conflict is by not pursuing any conflict-related goals at all; instead, they communicate in an emotionally explosive and negative fashion. This is known as reactivity and is characterized by accusations of mistrust, yelling, crying, and becoming verbally or physically abusive. Reactivity is decidedly nonstrategic. Instead, people simply “flip out.” For example, one of my college dating partners was intensely reactive. When I noted that we weren’t getting along, and suggested taking a break, she screamed, “I knew it! You’ve been cheating on me!” and hurled a flower vase at my head. Thankfully I ducked out of the way, but it took the campus police to calm her down. Her behavior had nothing to do with “managing our conflict.” She simply reacted.

Similar to competition, reactivity is strongly related to a lack of respect (Bevan et al., 2008; Zacchilli et al., 2009). People prone to reactivity have little interest in others as individuals and do not recognize others’ desires as relevant (Zacchilli et al., 2009).