After short-term conflict resolutions, you may begin to ponder the long-term outcomes. In particular, you might consider whether the conflict was truly resolved, and how the dispute impacts your relationship. Research examining long-term conflict outcomes and relationship satisfaction has found that certain approaches for dealing with conflict—in particular, avoidant, reactive, and collaborative approaches—strongly predict relationship quality (Smith et al., 2008; Zacchilli et al., 2009).

The most commonly used conflict approach is avoidance. But because avoidance doesn’t address the goal clash or actions that sparked the conflict, tensions will likely continue. People who use avoidance have lower relationship satisfaction and endure longer and more frequent conflicts than people who don’t avoid (Smith et al., 2008). Consequently, try not to use avoidance unless you’re certain the issue is unimportant. Of course, sometimes an issue that seems unimportant at the time ends up mattering to you over the long run. When in doubt, communicate directly about the issue.

Far more poisonous to relationship health, however, is reactivity. Individuals who handle conflict by (in effect) throwing tantrums end up substantially less happy in their relationships (Zacchilli et al., 2009). If you or your partner habitually uses reactivity, seriously consider more constructive ways to approach conflict. If you do not, your relationship is likely doomed to dissatisfaction.

In sharp contrast to the negative outcomes of avoidance and reactivity, collaborative approaches generally generate positive long-term outcomes (Smith et al., 2008). People using collaboration tend to resolve their conflicts, report higher satisfaction in their relationships, and experience shorter and fewer disputes. The lesson from this is to always treat others with kindness and respect, and strive to deal with conflict by openly discussing it in a way that emphasizes mutual interests and saves your partner’s face.

If collaborating yields positive long-term outcomes and avoiding and reacting yield negative ones, what about accommodating and competing? This is difficult to predict. Sometimes, you’ll compete and get what you want, the conflict will be resolved, and you’ll be satisfied. Or, you’ll compete, the conflict will escalate wildly out of control, and you’ll end up incredibly unsatisfied. Other times, you’ll accommodate, the conflict will be resolved, and you’ll be content. Or, you’ll accommodate, and the other person will exploit you further, causing you deep discontent. Accommodation and competition are riskier because you can’t count on either as a constructive way to manage conflict for the long term (Peterson, 2002).