Nonverbal communication conveys information through multiple channels, including auditory, visual, and tactile. Consider what happens when a classmate presents an idea during a discussion. As she speaks, you listen to and interpret the meaning of her words (verbal communication). But at the same time, you’re noticing various nonverbal channels—her vocal pitches and tones (auditory); her facial expressions, gestures, postures, and appearance (visual); and possibly physical contact (tactile), if she’s sitting next to you and happens to touch you. You receive all of this information simultaneously and use it to interpret her meaning: Is she excited about her idea? Unsure? Tired? Her nonverbal communication helps you make sense of the words she says and the meaning she intends.

Because it uses multiple channels, nonverbal communication conveys more meaning than verbal. This is especially evident when people send incongruent messages, in which their verbal and nonverbal behaviors contradict each other—for example, saying “I’m fine” while frowning. In such situations, people overwhelmingly trust the nonverbal messages more than they trust the verbal (Burgoon & Hoobler, 2002). An essential part of competent nonverbal communication is producing congruent messages, in which your verbal and nonverbal communications match. Congruent messages are perceived as direct and honest, and they create less confusion for others. For example, if you’re mad at your sister, you scowl when saying, “Yes, I’m angry!” instead of smiling. Or when you’re giving a speech, you reinforce the strong statement “Incidents like this cannot happen again!” by pounding your fist on the lectern rather than standing there motionless.

When interacting with others, you don’t just use either verbal or nonverbal communication. Instead, you blend both to create and interpret messages (Birdwhistell, 1970; Jones & LeBaron, 2002). You can do this in five ways:

Stereotypes about gender suggest that men and women communicate non-verbally in different ways. Men are often thought to be powerful and aggressive, while women are conceived of as more demure or meek. But these are just ill-informed notions. What’s the truth about gender and nonverbal communication? Data from hundreds of studies suggest four consistent differences between the sexes (J. A. Hall, 1998; J. A. Hall, Carter, & Horgan, 2000). First, women are better than men at communicating nonverbally in ways receivers can correctly interpret and are more accurate than men in interpreting others’ nonverbal expressions. Second, women show greater facial expressiveness than men, and they smile more. Third, women gaze at others more than men do during interpersonal interactions, especially during same-sex encounters. Indeed, women are more likely than men to find speakers persuasive when the presenters maintain eye contact with them (Bailenson, Beall, Loomis, Blascovich, & Turk, 2005). Fourth, men are more territorial than women in terms of personal space. Men maintain more physical space between themselves and others while talking, tolerate intrusions into their personal space less than women do, and are less likely to give way to others if space is scarce. Correspondingly, women enjoy closer proximity during same-sex encounters than men, prefer side-by-side seating more than men do, and perceive crowded situations more favorably.

Of course, not all women and men show these differences. Understanding that such differences may exist can help you improve your cross-sex nonverbal communication. For example, if you’re hosting a presentation in which the audience is largely male, arrange the seating to provide ample space between audience members. When you’re talking with a female friend, she may desire shared gaze and prefer to sit in close proximity to you.

The culture in which you were raised plays an enormous role in molding your nonverbal communication behaviors (Matsumoto, 2006). Different cultures have very different display rules—guidelines for when, where, and how to appropriately express emotion (Ekman & Friesen, 1975). As Chapter 4 discusses, people from Asian cultures are often taught to control their display of intense emotions (grimacing, scowling, large smiles) much more so than are Americans (Matsumoto, Takeuchi, Andayani, Kouznetsova, & Krupp, 1998). Within traditional Mexican culture, however, people are encouraged to openly express emotions, both positive and negative (Matsumoto, 2006).

Cultures also vary in the degree to which they emphasize close physical space, shared gaze, and physical contact during interaction. People from high-contact cultures prefer frequent touching, shared gaze, close physical proximity, and direct body orientation (facing each other while talking). Examples of high-contact cultures include Brazil, Mexico, Italy, and Spain. Those from low-contact cultures prefer infrequent touching, little shared gaze, larger physical distance, and indirect body orientation (angled away from each other during interaction). Low-contact cultures include Britain, Canada, the United States, and Japan. (See Figure 6.1.)

Understanding cultural differences in nonverbal expression can help you improve your overall communication competence. For example, if you’re on a first date with someone from a low-contact culture, give him or her plenty of room during your date and avoid unnecessary touching. If you’re giving a presentation to a small group consisting of people from a high-contact culture, stand close to your audience and don’t be hesitant to touch nearby listeners to emphasize a point, if it’s relevant to do so.

At age 16, Tyra Banks began doing fashion shows in Europe for designers such as Chanel, Valentino, and Fendi. She subsequently appeared in Elle and Vogue, and was the first African American woman to grace the cover of GQ. But what catapulted her to the top of the global modeling industry was not just her beauty—it was also her unique self-awareness of, and control over, the various types of nonverbal communication. For example, Tyra distinguishes 275 different smiles she uses when modeling, including seven basic smiles she teaches protégés on her show, America’s Next Top Model.² One of these smiles doesn’t involve the mouth at all, just the eyes—which Tyra calls a smize. Another smile uses body posture and movement—specifically, shifting her shoulder position sideways and downward, and turning her head toward the listener. These and the 273 other smiles all reflect specific emotions or situations, from anger to surprise.

Tyra Banks has built a media empire from her uncanny ability to manipulate her nonverbal communication on fashion runways, on television, and in photographs. But the types of nonverbal communication she uses—and coaches other models how to modify—are the very same ones you use in your daily life. Scholars of communication identify seven such types: body movement, voice, touch, personal space, appearance, beliefs about time, and environmental features. Although you experience these collectively as a whole, understanding how each type influences your own and others’ communication can make the difference between successful and unsuccessful interactions.

Communication scholars refer to body movement as kinesics, from the Greek word kinesis. This broad category encompasses most of the cues people typically think of as nonverbal communication: facial expressions, eye contact, gestures, and body postures.

Vocal characteristics used to communicate nonverbal messages are known as vocalics. When you interact with others, you typically think of their voice as one thing—for example, shrill, loud, deep, or nasal—but voices are actually made up of several characteristics. The four qualities of voice—tone, pitch, loudness, and speech rate—create distinct impressions for listeners in any interaction.

Communication scholars refer to touch as haptics, from the ancient Greek word haptein. The meaning of such physical contact with others depends on the duration, part of the body being touched, strength of contact, and surrounding context (Floyd, 1999). For example, functional-professional touch is used to accomplish some type of task, such as touch between physicians and patients during examinations, or between coaches and athletes while “spotting” a workout activity. Social-polite touch derives from social norms and expectations, the most common form being the handshake, which has served as a form of greeting for over 2,000 years (Heslin, 1974). You use friendship-warmth touch—for example, gently grasping a friend’s arm and giving it a squeeze—to express liking for another person. Love-intimacy touch—cupping a romantic partner’s face tenderly in your hands, giving him or her a big, lingering hug—lets you convey deep emotional feelings. Sexual-arousal touch, as the name implies, is intended to physically stimulate another person. Finally, aggressive-hostile touch involves forms of physical violence, such as grabbing, slapping, and hitting—behaviors designed to hurt and humiliate others.

People differ widely in their personal preferences for giving and receiving touch, with some liking less contact than others. For example, both Steve and Joe are low-contact people: Joe isn’t much of a hugger, and Steve dislikes handshakes. Yet both have family members who are “high contact” and enjoy sharing lots of touch. This makes for interesting—and occasionally awkward—interactions at family get-togethers, where the parties involved struggle with whether hugs and handshakes should be shared or avoided. Keep such individual preferences in mind when you interact with others, and adapt your touch behaviors to match their desires.

How close or far away you position yourself from others while communicating is known as proxemics, from the Latin word proximus, meaning “near.” Proxemics often illustrates the nature of the encounter and how you feel about the people with whom you’re interacting. There are four different zones for physical distance, and each is used in specific kinds of settings (E. T. Hall, 1963):

• Intimate space ranges from 0 to 18 inches. Most people use this only with people to whom they feel extremely close. (see Figure 6.2.)
• Personal space ranges from 18 inches to 4 feet and is often used during encounters with friends.
• Social space ranges from about 4 feet to 12 feet. Many people use it when communicating in the workplace or with acquaintances and strangers.
• Public space ranges upward from 12 feet—including great distances—and is used during formal occasions, such as public speeches or college lectures.

Of course, these distances aren’t absolute; different people have different preferences for space. You may feel crowded if people sit closer than two feet from you, whereas your best friend may be perfectly comfortable sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with others. Space preferences also vary widely across cultures (Chen & Starosta, 2005). For example, during casual conversations, most North Americans feel comfortable an arm’s-length distance apart. Latin Americans, North Africans, and those from the northern and western Middle East tend to prefer a closer distance. Japanese and Chinese tend to keep a larger distance. Failure to appreciate these differences can cause awkwardness and anxiety during cross-cultural encounters. People from cultures emphasizing closer distance may keep edging closer to their conversation partner and may judge the other person as “aloof” and “standoffish” if he or she keeps backing away. Correspondingly, people from cultures emphasizing larger distances will be baffled by and uncomfortable with perceived invasions of their space. Because violations of space expectations can cause discomfort, try to adjust your use of space in accordance with others’ preferences whenever possible.

The way you look speaks volumes about who you are because people use your physical appearance—visible attributes such as hair, clothing, body type, and other features—to make judgments about you. For example, people who judge you as attractive may also see you as intelligent, persuasive, poised, sociable, warm, powerful, and successful (Hatfield & Sprecher, 1986). Such perceptions are made online as well. If your friends post attractive photos of themselves on your Facebook page, people will perceive you as more physically and socially attractive. If your friends post unattractive photos, you’ll seem less attractive to others (Walther, Van Der Heide, Kim, Westerman, & Tong, 2008).

Clothing plays a large role in your physical appearance. People draw conclusions about your profession, level of education, socioeconomic status, and even personality and values based solely on what you’re wearing (Burgoon, Buller, & Woodall, 1996). So before leaving the house, ask yourself whether your outfit is appropriate for your plans and whether your clothing will convey the image you want it to convey. If you want a job interviewer to see you as socially skilled and highly motivated, wear something business appropriate to the interview (Gifford, Ng, & Wilkinson, 1985). Your clothing choices include artifacts—objects you possess to communicate your identity to others, such as watches, jewelry, and handbags. Artifacts can communicate your affluence, influence, and attractiveness (Burgoon, Buller, & Woodall, 1996). American men, for instance, typically don’t wear much jewelry, so a man who wants to stand out may sport a large expensive watch to convey power and wealth.

Time seems like a constant—something that exists outside of you and that everyone views in exactly the same way as you do. But as noted in Chapter 4, people around the globe differ in their beliefs about time (E.T. Hall, 1981, 1983, 1997b). Those who have an M-time orientation (for “monochronic time”) value careful scheduling and time management. They view time as a precious resource: it can be saved, spent, wasted, lost, or made up; it can even run out. People who have a P-time orientation (“polychronic time”) value interpersonal interaction and don’t view time as a resource to be spent, saved, or guarded.

How you perceive, orient to, and structure your time communicates powerful nonverbal messages to others. If you show up substantially late to a lunch with an M-time friend, for example, you communicate “lack of caring.” In contrast, being 10minutes early for a lunch date might convey being “uptight” or “rigid” to a P-time friend. Similarly, if you opt to spend time with your family in the morning—making you an hour late for your work shift—an M-time boss will likely view this as being irresponsible. You might even get fired. A P-time boss, on the other hand, will likely view you as having the right priorities in life. To improve your own competence, keep time orientation differences in mind and be willing to flexibly adapt your behaviors to others as needed.

Two types of environmental features shape nonverbal communication: fixed features and semi-fixed features (E. T. Hall, 1981). Fixed features are relatively stable parts of the environment—for example, walls, ceilings, floors, and doors in a building. Fixed features send powerful nonverbal messages to others. For example, what do luxury homes and cars share in common with first-class seating in airplanes? Bigger size. Simple differences in the fixed features of room size, ceiling height, and (in the case of cars and airplanes) seat size and legroom convey greater wealth and prestige. People recognize this and use such features to nonverbally communicate stature to others (by driving big cars, building huge houses, and so forth).

Semi-fixed features are impermanent and usually easy to change. They include things like furniture, lighting, and color. Hard, uncomfortable furniture shortens interactions, just as soft, plush seating encourages relaxed, lengthy encounters. Bright lighting is associated with action-filled environments, whereas soft lighting goes with calm, intimate environments. Color also makes a difference; people experience blues and greens as relaxing, yellows and oranges as arousing and energizing, reds and blacks as sensuous, and grays and browns as depressing (Burgoon et al., 1996).

You can make choices about fixed and semi-fixed factors to send a nonverbal message. For example, if you want to convey a sense of formality while conducting your monthly sales meeting, have attendees sit at a large, rectangular conference table in rigid high-backed chairs, in a room adorned with portraits of the company founders. If you want to convey a sense of creativity and relaxation, have the meeting at a local coffee shop, where salespeople can lounge in comfy chairs in front of a fireplace.

Nonverbal communication conveys meaning both directly and indirectly. Sometimes you directly communicate, such as flashing a thumbs-up sign to a friend who performed well during a play. At other times, your nonverbal communication is comparatively indirect—for example, wearing black to signal sadness or grief rather than openly crying.

Although you regularly use nonverbal communication to convey meaning, be careful about presuming particular meanings from the nonverbal displays of others. Consider deception, for example. Around the world, people believe that liars fidget nervously, play with their hair or clothes, and smile too much (Global Deception Research Team, 2006). The most commonly believed deception cue is eye contact: “Liars can’t look you in the eye,” or so we’re told by movies, TV shows, Web sites, books, and magazines. But these beliefs are false. Across hundreds of scientific studies involving tens of thousands of participants, not a single nonverbal behavior has been found that consistently indicates deception (DePaulo et al. 2003; Sporer & Schwandt, 2006). So, if someone doesn’t look you in the eye while speaking, don’t presume that it means deception.

You also use nonverbal communication for affect displays: intentional or unintentional behaviors that depict actual or feigned emotion (Burgoon, Buller, & Woodall, 1996). Affect displays are presented primarily through the face and voice. You communicate hundreds, if not thousands, of real and faked emotional states with your face. You may grin in amusement, grimace in disgust, furrow your brow in concern, or lift one eyebrow in suspicion. Your voice also conveys emotions. For instance, most people express emotions such as grief and love through lowered vocal pitch, and hostile emotions such as anger and contempt through loudness (Costanzo, Markel, & Costanzo, 1969).

Consider all the ways you can use nonverbal communication to present different aspects of your self to others. You can wear religious artifacts to convey your spiritual beliefs. You can select clothing to present your self as Goth, gangsta, preppy, or punk. You can walk slouched and hunched over to communicate dismay, or stand with your head up and shoulders back to demonstrate confidence. Smiling presents you to others as friendly and approachable, while scowling presents you as threatening. An important part of being a competent nonverbal communicator is recognizing the demands of the situation (formal/informal; intimate/impersonal), then shifting your nonverbal communication quickly to present your self in appropriate ways.

Your nonverbal communication helps you manage interactions. For example, during conversations or question-and-answer sessions following presentations, you use regulators (such as pointing to the person you want to hear from next), eye contact, touch, smiling, nodding, and posture shifts to signal who gets to speak and for how long (Patterson, 1988). You also read your partner’s or audience’s nonverbal communication while you’re speaking—watching for eye contact, smiles, and head nods to ensure that they’re listening and engaged. If someone raises an eyebrow after you make a statement, you may pause to see if the listener has a question or comment.

1. CONSIDER THE DILEMMA

   Chelsea is the top student in your communication class. Although she is brilliant and talented, she knows it and goes out of her way to show off. You admire her, but her arrogance irks you.

   Your professor feels strongly that peer assessment—having students critique one another—is an important part of the class. This has worked out well—except for your group project. Chelsea gave you low marks, which impacted your overall grade. Granted, you didn’t invest as much effort as you could have, but you were still angry. In the aftermath, the two of you fought over her assessment, and you haven’t spoken since.

   Now it’s time for public speech evaluations, and sure enough, your professor assigns Chelsea to critique you. She must analyze a video of your speech, then send comments to you and the professor. Your speech goes well, but you’re worried about Chelsea’s assessment. Just before leaving for work, you see that Chelsea’s review is posted. Reading it, you’re stunned to see that her comments are complimentary, detailed, fair, and extremely insightful. Relieved and excited to receive her praise, you type a hasty message: “Just wanted to say I REALLY appreciate your BRILLIANT and INSIGHTFUL comments!”

   Getting home from work, you find another message from Chelsea. It reads, “You know, after the group project I thought you were kind of a loser. But I gave you the benefit of the doubt and approached your speech with an open mind. I spent two hours on my review. The least you could have done was thank me straight up, instead of being sarcastic. I guess my initial impression was right after all. Don’t bother writing back—I’ll just delete.”

2. CONNECT THE RESEARCH

   To understand sarcasm, people rely primarily on nonverbal communication (Bryant & Fox Tree, 2005). Facial expressions (smirking), eye movements (rolling eyes), and vocal cues (varying pitch) all indicate that speakers mean the opposite of their spoken words.

   Because sarcasm is conveyed nonverbally, dealing with sarcasm online can be tricky (Eisterhold, Attardo, & Boxer, 2006). Researchers Whalen, Pexman, and Gill (2009) found that college students use sarcasm in only 7.4 percent of their e-mail. However, when sarcasm is used, it is almost always marked by online nonverbals, such as capped letters, emoticons (winks), or parenthesized statements (“not!” or “sarcasm!”).

   Whalen, Pexman, and Gill (2009) warn that regardless of such markers, using sarcasm online is risky because of the potential for misunderstanding. Despite this, people typically have high confidence that their online messages will be understood correctly (Kruger, Epley, Parker, & Ng, 2005).

   This research suggests three practical tips for better understanding sarcasm and online nonverbal communication:

   1. Given that understanding sarcasm requires nonverbal communication, avoid using sarcasm online.
   2. Because people typically use markers for online sarcastic messages, do not use such nonverbal markers when you want online messages to be interpreted literally. This is especially important when communicating with people who might think you’re being sarcastic (e.g., complimenting a person you’ve previously fought with).
   3. When there’s any doubt about someone understanding your meaning, take the encounter offline—by calling on the phone or talking face-to-face—so the person can see and hear your nonverbal communication.

3. COMMUNICATE

   Before making a communication choice, consider the facts of the situation, and think about the sarcasm research. Also, reflect on what you’ve learned so far about characteristics of nonverbal communication (pp. 134–138) and functions of nonverbal communication (pp. 149–154). Then answer these questions:

   1. What aspects of your message triggered Chelsea’s attribution of sarcasm? If you were in Chelsea’s shoes, would you have interpreted your e-mail in the same way? How would you have responded?
   2. What challenges do you face in reaching out to Chelsea and explaining this misunderstanding to her? How can they be overcome?
   3. How are you going to respond to Chelsea?

A final function that your nonverbal communication serves is to help define two important interpersonal dynamics in your relationships with others: the level of intimacy that you share, and the power balance—that is, who is dominant and who is submissive (Burgoon & Hoobler, 2002; Kudoh & Matsumoto, 1985). Let’s explore each of these dynamics individually.

Nonverbally expressive people accurately convey their feelings and attitudes through their nonverbal communication (Riggio, 2006). You know when they are happy, worried, or excited, because they smile, wrinkle their brows, or increase their speech rate (respectively). On the other hand, people who have trouble expressing themselves nonverbally are difficult to read and may often be misunderstood. For instance, if you have a blank facial expression during a romantic crisis, your partner may conclude that you don’t care about what’s happening. Or if you fail to gesture decisively and speak loudly enough while making a sales pitch to potential clients, they may assume that you’re not enthusiastic about the product you’re selling.

To improve nonverbal expressiveness, strengthen your awareness of your own behavior (Knapp & Hall, 2002) by soliciting feedback from others and observing yourself. For example, ask a trusted friend, mentor, or teacher how your nonverbal behavior comes across when you’re communicating inter-personally, in small group settings, or while giving a speech. Do you project confidence or seem nervous? What does your posture say about your level of involvement with the conversation, the other person, or the topic of your presentation? How does your voice sound, and what messages does it send? If you are giving a speech, you can improve your expressiveness by rehearsing in front of a mirror or by viewing video of your performance. Chapter 15 explores specific nonverbal behaviors to use during presentational speaking.

To communicate competently, you sometimes need to inhibit, or control, your nonverbal behaviors. Many contexts and cultures require that you limit nonverbal expression of intense emotions. For example, leaders during crisis situations are expected to demonstrate calm instead of openly displaying their anxiety or fear (Riggio, 2006). A calm leader is less likely to trigger panic in his or her followers during a crisis. Imagine how you’d feel if the president of the United States, during a national crisis, gave a speech while nervously looking around, fidgeting uncontrollably, and gesturing with trembling hands. It wouldn’t matter what was said; your confidence would be swiftly eroded simply by the lack of nonverbal control. Keep this in mind whenever you occupy leadership positions. Similarly, many cultures—especially those emphasizing collectivism (such as China)—have display rules discouraging direct expressions of powerful emotions, such as anger. Within such cultures, you’d want to suppress those kinds of expressions, such as the urge to scowl, shout, or shake your fist in response to a group member’s argument.

The key to learning nonverbal inhibition is to practice critical self-reflection. Identify situations that evoke strong emotional reactions in you. Perhaps these include job interviews, class presentations, and interactions with difficult family members. Then, reflect on how your thoughts and feelings affect your nonverbal communication in these situations. What is it that sets you off in these encounters? How might you think about each situation differently, and what changes could you make to get better results?

For instance, suppose you dread spending time with your brother because you think he resents your success and is therefore angry with you. This fear triggers nervous behaviors—such as avoiding eye contact and fidgeting with your hair—when you get together with him. The behaviors in turn create a sense of distance between you. How might you think about the situation differently to control this fear and avoid unwanted nonverbal behaviors? Perhaps you could envision your brother’s attitude toward you as stemming from pain, not resentment. If you reframe the situation that way, you may feel less fearful when you’re with your brother and more compassionate instead—an emotion that’s less likely to trigger nervous behaviors. Then you could practice actively making changes to your nonverbal behaviors to increase intimacy, such as making more eye contact. Mastering this process can help you inhibit nonverbal emotion displays when it’s important to do so.

Another valuable nonverbal communication skill is correctly interpreting the meaning and intent behind others’ nonverbal communication—in other words, making accurate nonverbal attributions. To do this, carefully consider the context as well as factors that may be influencing the other person’s behaviors. Always keep in mind the most important rule of attributional accuracy: People’s behavior rarely, if ever, stems from just one simple cause. For example, many people believe that crossed arms indicate a closed, defensive person. This attribution is touted as truth on TV talk shows and in self-help and advice blogs. But for many people, crossed arms is a relaxed posture. For others, this behavior could simply mean that they’re cold. Similarly, if you’re conducting a performance evaluation with an employee who makes little eye contact with you, does that mean he’s lying? Not necessarily. It could be a culturally learned behavior indicating deference or respect for authority.

Rather than trying to attribute specific meanings to isolated behaviors, consider the cultures and genders of the people involved as well as the communication context. If you’re confused about someone’s behavior, or if it’s important to make accurate attributions about another person’s nonverbal communication, practice perception-checking. As Chapter 2 explains, figuring out the meaning behind someone else’s nonverbal communication can be as simple as asking the person about it. For example, if your roommate comes home and goes straight to her room without greeting you—an unusual behavior for her—you could later ask her, “I was confused by your quietness this afternoon; are you OK?” Rather than assuming she was mad at you about something, you can share your observation of her nonverbal behavior with her, and ask her to clarify what the behavior meant.