Concise Diction

At the start of her essay “Mother Tongue,” Amy Tan (p. 700) criticizes herself for writing that is “burdened . . . with nominalized forms, past perfect tenses, conditional phrases.” Similarly, George Orwell (p. 707) lambasts “the -ize and de- formations,” preferring direct verbs. He also cautions against complex or unusual words that “dress up simple statements,” preferring economy of language. Both writers argue for clear, authentic writing using the most straightforward language possible.

Nominalization

Nominalization is the process that changes a verb into its noun form. The verb discuss becomes discussion, for instance; the verb depend becomes dependence; recognize becomes recognition. The noun forms often result in wordiness, stiffness, or awkward constructions, as the following examples (with added color) show.

Marjorie Agosín could have written:

My poem, given expression in another language, spoke for itself . . . and for me.

Instead of its noun form expression, she chose the verb express:

My poem, expressed in another language, spoke for itself . . . and for me.

Notice that her choice results in two strong verbs that reinforce one another (i.e., expressed and spoke) and add force to the point she is making.

Similarly, Firoozeh Dumas writes:

When I was twelve, I decided to simplify my life by adding an American middle name.

If she used the nominalized version decision, her sentence would be more wordy and less clear:

When I was twelve, I made the decision to simplify my life by adding an American middle name.

These changes might seem very minor, but often they have a cumulative effect. In paragraph 10 of Dumas’s essay there are several other instances where she could have used the nominalized form but chose a strong verb instead. We’ve printed that paragraph below with the nominalized forms in brackets. Read the paragraph aloud and think about the effect of the strong clear verbs as opposed to the nominalized forms.

When I announced [made the announcement] to my family that I wanted to add an American name, they reacted with their usual laughter.

My mom suggested [gave the suggestion of] “Farah,” a name easier than “Firoozeh” yet still Iranian.

I don’t know why we limited [imposed the limitation on] ourselves to names beginning with my initials. . . .

I finally chose [made the choice of] the name “Julie” mainly for its simplicity.

Showy Vocabulary

Having a large and diverse vocabulary gives a writer many choices and usually results in more precise writing. Inexperienced writers, however, often believe that fancier is better and try to show off words they know. In “Mother Tongue,” Amy Tan looks back on a first draft of a story containing this line:

That was my mental quandary in its nascent state.

With a sense of humor about herself, she tells us that when she first wrote the questionable sentence she believed that a sentence with such elevated vocabulary “would finally prove I had mastery over the English language,” but she realized it was “a terrible line” that needed revision. One such revision might read:

That was my dilemma in its earliest state.

The key to figuring out if a word is too showy is to ask yourself if the fancy word—for example, pernicious—is more precise than the more ordinary word—for example, fatal—or if you think the former is simply more impressive than the latter. Pernicious seems appropriate when Daniel Okrent (p. 771) says:

Hijacking the language proves especially pernicious when government officials deodorize their programs with near-Orwellian euphemism.

On the other hand, pernicious is inappropriate in a sentence such as:

We all heard the pernicious gunshots.

The only reason you might laugh when someone says to you, “Felicitations on your natal day!” is that that expression is so much more pompous than “Happy birthday!”—and much less authentic. Like Tan, you must make your own decisions because these choices are not a matter of hard-and-fast rules but rather of how you assess your audience’s expectations and the effect your language will have.

Rhetorical and Stylistic Strategy

Writers who use nominalizations, de- and -ize verbs, and overly complex or unusual words may think these choices add elegance or complexity to their prose and the ideas they express. However, the opposite is true. A writer who relies on expressions that fall into these categories gives the impression of insecurity and perhaps even insincerity. Whenever possible, follow the aphorism “Less is more”: less complexity, less length, and less obscurity will lead you toward clear and readable prose with an authentic voice.