• The Confucian tradition put considerable emphasis on the ethics and rituals that should govern family life. Filial piety was considered a central virtue in Confucius’s Analects, and an early Confucian text, the Greater Learning, argued that a man who wanted to serve the ruler or bring peace to the realm had to first manage his own family. These Confucian precepts were honored not only in China but also in Korea and Japan. What could one do to bring harmony to his family? Zhu Xi, one of the leading Neo-Confucian philosophers of his day, placed emphasis on ritual. His discussion of the importance of setting up an ancestral shrine is the first item in his influential book Family Rituals. Other parts of this book detail the steps to be taken in funerals, weddings, coming-of-age ceremonies, and ancestral rites. His contemporary Yuan Cai (ca. 1140–ca. 1190) was a local government official whose views about how to attain family harmony seem to have come from his personal experience rather than the study of Confucian texts. Yuan Cai’s Precepts for Social Life also gives advice on arranging marriages, managing servants, and avoiding bankruptcy. These two books, while written in Chinese, circulated in Korea and Japan as well as China, with Zhu Xi’s Family Rituals becoming especially important in Korea.

Zhu Xi on the Offering Hall

“When a man of virtue builds a house his first task is always to set up an offering hall to the east of the main room of his house. For this hall four altars to hold the spirit tablets of the ancestors are made; collateral relatives who died without descendants may have associated offerings made to them there according to their generational seniority. Sacrificial fields should be established and sacrificial utensils prepared. Once the hall is completed, early each morning the master enters the outer gate to pay a visit. All comings and goings are reported there. On New Year’s Day, the solstices, and each new and full moon, visits are made. On the customary festivals, seasonal foods are offered, and when an event occurs, reports are made. Should there be flood, fire, robbers, or bandits, the offering hall is the first thing to be saved. The spirit tablets, inherited manuscripts, and then the sacrificial utensils should be moved; only afterward may the family’s valuables be taken. As one generation succeeds another, the spirit tablets are reinscribed and moved to their new places.”

Yuan Cai on Forbearance

“People say that lasting harmony in families begins with the ability to forbear. But knowing how to forbear without knowing how to live with forbearing can lead to a great many errors. Some seem to think that forbearance means to repress anger; that is, when someone offends you, you repress your feelings and do not reveal them. If this happens only once or twice it would be all right. But if it happens repeatedly the anger will come bursting forth like an irrepressible flood.

A better method is to dissipate anger as the occasion arises instead of hiding it in your chest. Do this by saying to yourself, “He wasn’t thinking,” “He doesn’t know any better,” “He made a mistake,” “He is narrow in his outlook,” “How much harm can this really do?” If you keep the anger from entering your heart, then even if someone offends you ten times a day, neither your speech nor your behavior will be affected. You will then see the magnitude of the benefits of forbearance.”

Yuan Cai on Dislike Among Relatives

“Dislike among blood relatives may start from a very minor incident but end up ingrained. It is just that once two people take a dislike to each other they become irascible, and neither is willing to be the first to cool off. When they are in each other’s company day in and day out, they cannot help but irritate each other. If, having reached this state, one of them would be willing to take the initiative in cooling off and would talk to the other, then the other would reciprocate, and the situation would return to normal. This point is worth deep consideration.”

Sources: Patricia Buckley Ebrey, trans., Chu Hsi’s Family Rituals: A Twelfth-Century Chinese Manual for the Performance of Cappings, Weddings, Funerals, and Ancestral Rites (Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press, 1991), p. 5. © 1991 Princeton University Press. Reprinted by permission of Princeton University Press; Patricia Buckley Ebrey, trans., Family and Property in Sung China: Yuan Ts’ai’s Precepts for Social Life (Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press, 1984), pp. 186–187. © 1984 Princeton University Press. Reprinted by permission of Princeton University Press.

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