The final chapter of the Admonitions, “Harmony with Younger Brothers- and Sisters-in-law,” is, perhaps, the most straightforwardly political. In it, Ban Zhao established a connection between a woman’s relationships with her younger brothers- and sisters-in-law and her likely impact, for good or for ill, on the fortunes of her own extended family. In Ban Zhao’s view, these relationships were absolutely critical. The woman who did not take care to establish good relations with her husband’s siblings could expect nothing but misery for herself and shame for her family. In contrast, the woman who heeded Ban Zhao’s advice could expect harmony at home and reports of her good behavior to be spread far and wide by her in-laws, enhancing the reputation of her family in the process. As you read the chapter, consider why Ban Zhao thought the relationships between a wife and her husband’s siblings were so important. What advice did she offer to women seeking to gain the favor of their brothers- and sisters-in-law?

In order for a wife to gain the love of her husband, she must win for herself the love of her parents-in-law. To win for herself the love of her parents-in-law, she must secure for herself the good will of younger brothers- and sisters-in-law. For these reasons the right and the wrong, the praise and the blame of a woman alike depend upon younger brothers- and sisters-in-law. Consequently it will not do for a woman to lose their affection.

They are stupid both who know not that they must not lose the hearts of younger brothers- and sisters-in-law, and who cannot be in harmony with them in order to be intimate with them. Excepting only the Holy Men, few are able to be faultless. Now Yen Tzu’s greatest virtue was that he was able to reform.1 Confucius praised him for not committing a misdeed the second time. In comparison with him a woman is the more likely to make mistakes.

Although a woman possesses a worthy woman’s qualifications, and is wise and discerning by nature, is she able to be perfect? Yet if a woman live in harmony with her immediate family, unfavorable criticism will be silenced within the home. But if a man and woman disagree, then this evil will be noised abroad. Such consequences are inevitable. The “Book of Changes” says:

Should two hearts harmonize,

The united strength can cut gold.

Words from hearts which agree,

Give forth fragrance like the orchid.

This saying may be applied to harmony in the home.

Though a daughter-in-law and her younger sisters-in-law are equal in rank, nevertheless they should respect each other; though love between them may be sparse, their proper relationship should be intimate. Only the virtuous, the beautiful, the modest, and the respectful young women can accordingly rely upon the sense of duty to make their affection sincere, and magnify love to bind their relationships firmly.

Then the excellence and the beauty of such a daughter-in-law becomes generally known. Moreover, any flaws and mistakes are hidden and unrevealed. Parents-in-law boast of her good deeds; her husband is satisfied with her. Praise of her radiates, making her illustrious in district and in neighborhood; and her brightness reaches to her own father and mother.

But a stupid and foolish person as an elder sister-in-law uses her rank to exalt herself; as a younger sister-in-law, because of parents’ favor, she becomes filled with arrogance. If arrogant, how can a woman live in harmony with others? If love and proper relationships be perverted, how can praise be secured? In such instances the wife’s good is hidden, and her faults are declared. The mother-in-law will be angry, and the husband will be indignant. Blame will reverberate and spread in and outside the home. Disgrace will gather upon the daughter-in-law’s person, on the one hand to add humiliation to her own father and mother, and on the other to increase the difficulties of her husband.

Such then is the basis for both honor and disgrace; the foundation for reputation or for ill repute. Can a woman be too cautious? Consequently to seek the hearts of young brothers- and sisters-in-law decidedly nothing can be esteemed better than modesty and acquiescence.

Modesty is virtue’s handle; acquiescence is the wife’s most refined characteristic. All who possess these two have sufficient for harmony with others. In the “Book of Poetry” it is written that “here is no evil; there is no dart.” So it may be said of these two, modesty and acquiescence.

Source: Nancy Lee Swann, trans., Pan Chao: Foremost Woman Scholar of China (New York: The Century Co., 1932), pp. 88–90. © The East Asian Library and the Gest Collection, Princeton University.

Questions to Consider