Kelly Flanagan, Words from a Father to His Daughter (from the Makeup Aisle)

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[00:00:00.64] Words from a father to his daughter from the make-up aisle, January 15, 2014.

[00:00:06.74] Dear little one,

[00:00:07.89] As I write this I'm sitting in the makeup aisle of our local Target store. A friend recently texted me from a different makeup aisle and told me it felt like one of the most oppressive places in the world. I wanted to find out what he meant. And now that I'm sitting here I'm beginning to agree with him.

[00:00:21.98] Words have power and the words on display in this aisle have a deep power. Words and phrases like "affordably gorgeous," "infallible," "flawless finish," "brilliant strength," "liquid power," "go nude," "age defining," "instant age rewind," "choose your dream," "nearly naked," and "natural beauty." When you have a daughter you start to realize she's just as strong as everyone else in the house, a force to be reckoned with, a soul on fire with the same life and gifts and passions as any man. But sitting in this store aisle you also began to realize most people won't see her that way. They'll see here as a pretty face and body to enjoy. And they'll tell her she has to look a certain way to have any worth or influence.

[00:01:01.11] But words do have power, and maybe, just maybe the words of a father can begin to compete with the words of the world. Maybe a father's words can deliver his daughter through this gauntlet of institutionalized shame and into a deep, unshakable sense of her own worthiness and beauty. Little one, a father's words aren't different words but they are words with a radically different meaning.

[00:01:22.36] Brilliant strength-- may your strength be not on your fingernails but in your heart. May you discern in your center who you are and then may you fearfully but tenaciously live it out in the world. Choose your dream, but not from a department store shelf. Find the still, quiet place within you. A real dream has been planted there. Discover what you want to do in the world and when you have chosen may you faithfully pursue it with integrity and with hope.

[00:01:47.28] Naked-- the world wants you to take your clothes off, please keep them on, but take your gloves off. Pull no punches, say what is in your heart. Be vulnerable, embrace risk, love a world that barely knows what it means to love itself. Do so nakedly, openly, with abandon. Infallible-- may you be constantly, infallibly aware that infallibility doesn't exist. It's an illusion created by people interested in your wallet. If you choose to see perfection, may be in an infallible grace for yourself and for everyone around you.

[00:02:21.28] Age defying-- your skin will wrinkle and your youth will fade, but your soul is ageless. It will always know how to play and how to enjoy and have to revel in this one chance life. May you always defiantly resist the aging of your spirit.

[00:02:35.52] Flawless finish-- your finish has nothing to do with how your face looks today and everything to do with how your life looks on your last day. May your years be a preparation for that day. May you be aged with grace. May you grow in wisdom. May your love become big enough to embrace all people. And may your joy have no bottom. May your flawless finish be a peaceful embrace of the end and the unknown that follows. And may it thus be a gift to everyone who cherishes you.

[00:03:02.44] Little one, you love everything pink and frilly, and I will surely understand if someday make-up is important to you. But I pray three words will remain more important to you, the last three words you say every night when I ask the question, where are you the most beautiful? Three words so bright no concealer can cover them. Where are you the most beautiful? On the inside. Love, Daddy.

[00:03:25.36] Like the last letter I wrote to my daughter, I wrote this first for her and the day I'll eventually read it to her, but I also wrote it for every woman who needs to hear the words of a father. Women, no one else gets to define your beauty for you, but they'll try. For a review of the media's depiction of women in 2013, click here in the blog post. For a time lapse video of how the industry distorts images using cosmetics and digital editing, click here in the blog post. For a provocative exortation to protect our girls from all of it, click here in the blog post.

[00:03:55.31] My daughter is four years old. If her awakening to the make-up aisle comes at the typical age, I figure we have about five years to radically alter the arc of history and the subjugation by image of the female gender. We've got a lot of work to do, and it begins in the heart of each and every woman.