35-7 Is scientific research on sexual motivation value free?

Recognizing that values are both personal and cultural, most sex researchers and educators strive to keep their writings value free. But the very words we use to describe behavior can reflect our personal values. Whether we label certain sexual behaviors as “perversions” or as an “alternative sexual lifestyle” depends on our attitude toward the behaviors. Labels describe, but they also evaluate.

Scientific research on sexual motivation does not aim to define the personal meaning of sex in our own lives. You could know every available fact about sex—that the initial spasms of male and female orgasm come at 0.8-second intervals, that the female nipples expand 10 millimeters at the peak of sexual arousal, that systolic blood pressure rises some 60 points and the respiration rate to 40 breaths per minute—but fail to understand the human significance of sexual intimacy.

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Surely one significance of such intimacy is its expression of our profoundly social nature. One recent study asked 2035 married people when they started having sex (while controlling for education, religious engagement, and relationship length). Those whose relationship first developed to a deep commitment, such as marriage, not only reported greater relationship satisfaction and stability but also better sex (Busby et al., 2010; Galinsky & Sonenstein, 2013). For both men and women, but especially for women, orgasm occurs more often (and with less morning-after regret) when sex happens in a committed relationship rather than a sexual hook-up (Garcia et al., 2012, 2013). Partners who share regular meals are more likely than one-night dinner guests to have educated one another about what seasoning touches suit their food tastes; so likewise with the touches of loyal partners who share a bed.

The benefits of commitment—of “vow power”—apply regardless of sexual orientation. Gay and straight couples experience almost identical stability in their relationships, if they have married or entered into a civil union—and almost identical instability, if they have not (Rosenfeld, 2014). Thus, as the opportunity for straight and gay people to marry becomes more equal, we can expect the stability of their relationships to become more similar.

Sex is a socially significant act. Men and women can achieve orgasm alone, yet most people find greater satisfaction—and experience a much greater surge in the prolactin hormone associated with sexual satisfaction and satiety—after intercourse and orgasm with their loved one (Brody & Tillmann, 2006). Thanks to their overlapping brain reward areas, sexual desire and love feed each other (Cacioppo et al., 2012). Sex at its human best is life uniting and love renewing.