The unfolding of our lives continues across the life span. Earlier in this chapter, we considered what we all share in life’s early years. Making such statements about the adult years is much more difficult. If we know that James is a 1-year-old and Jamal is a 10-year-old, we can say a great deal about each child. Not so with adults who differ by a decade. A 20-year-old may be a parent who supports a child or a child who gets an allowance. A new mother may be 25 or 45. A boss may be 30 or 60.

Nevertheless, our life courses are in some ways similar. Physically, cognitively, and especially socially, we differ at age 60 from our 25-year-old selves. In the discussion that follows, we recognize these differences and use three terms: early adulthood (roughly twenties and thirties), middle adulthood (to age 65), and late adulthood (the years after 65). Remember, though, that within each of these stages, people vary widely in physical, psychological, and social development.

Early Adulthood

Our physical abilities—our muscular strength, reaction time, sensory keenness, and cardiac output—all crest by our mid-twenties. Like the declining daylight at the end of summer, the pace of our physical decline is a slow creep. Athletes are often the first to notice. Baseball players peak at about age 27—with 60 percent of Most Valuable Player awardees since 1985 coming ±2 years of that (Silver, 2012). But few of the rest of us notice. Unless our daily lives require us to be in top physical condition, we hardly perceive the early signs of decline.

Middle Adulthood

During early and middle adulthood, physical vigor has less to do with age than with a person’s health and exercise habits. Sedentary 25-year-olds may find themselves huffing and puffing up two flights of stairs. When they make it to the top and glance out the window, they may see their physically fit 50-year-old neighbor jog by on a daily 4-mile run.

Physical decline is gradual, but as most athletes know, the pace of that decline gradually picks up. As a lifelong basketball player, I [DM] find myself increasingly not racing for that loose ball. The good news is that even diminished vigor is enough for normal activities.

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Aging also brings a gradual decline in fertility. For a 35- to 39-year-old woman, the chances of getting pregnant after a single act of intercourse are only half those of a woman 19 to 26 (Dunson et al., 2002). Women experience menopause, the end of the menstrual cycle, usually within a few years of age 50. There is no male menopause—no end of fertility or sharp drop in sex hormones. Men experience a more gradual decline in sperm count, testosterone level, and speed of erection and ejaculation.

Late Adulthood

Is old age “more to be feared than death” (Juvenal, Satires)? Or is life “most delightful when it is on the downward slope” (Seneca, Epistulae ad Lucilium)? What is it like to grow old?

Although physical decline begins in early adulthood, we are not usually acutely aware of it until later in life. Vision changes. We have trouble seeing fine details, and our eyes take longer to adapt to changes in light levels. As the eye’s pupil shrinks and its lens grows cloudy, less light reaches the retina—the light-sensitive inner portion of the eye. In fact, a 65-year-old retina receives only about one-third as much light as its 20-year-old counterpart (Kline & Schieber, 1985). Thus, to see as well as a 20-year-old when reading or driving, a 65-year-old needs three times as much light.

Aging also levies a tax on the brain. The small, gradual net loss of brain cells begins in early adulthood. By age 80, the brain has lost about 5 percent of its former weight. Some of the brain regions that shrink during aging are the areas important for memory (Schacter, 1996; Ritchie et al., 2015). No wonder adults feel older after taking a memory test. “[It’s like] aging 5 years in 5 minutes,” joked one research team (Hughes et al., 2013). The frontal lobes, which help restrain impulsivity, also shrink, which helps explain older people’s occasional blunt questions (“Have you put on weight?”) or inappropriate comments (von Hippel, 2007, 2015). Happily for us, there is still some plasticity in the aging brain. It partly compensates for what it loses by recruiting and reorganizing neural networks (Park & McDonough, 2013).

Up to the teen years, we process information with greater and greater speed (Fry & Hale, 1996; Kail, 1991). But compared with teens and young adults, older people take a bit more time to react, to solve perceptual puzzles, even to remember names (Bashore et al., 1997; Verhaeghen & Salthouse, 1997). This neural processing lag is greatest on complex tasks (Cerella, 1985; Poon, 1987). At video games, most 70-year-olds are no match for a 20-year-old.

But there is some good news. A study of identical twin pairs—in which only one of the two exercised—shows that exercise slows aging (Rottensteiner et al., 2015). Physical exercise enhances muscles, bones, and energy and helps to prevent obesity and heart disease. It also stimulates brain cell development and neural connections (Erickson et al., 2010; Pereira et al., 2007). That may help explain why sedentary older adults randomly assigned to aerobic exercise programs exhibit enhanced memory, sharpened judgment, and reduced risk of severe cognitive decline (DeFina et al., 2013; Liang et al., 2010; Nagamatsu et al., 2013; Vidoni et al., 2015). Exercise also promotes neurogenesis (the birth of new nerve cells) in the hippocampus, a brain region important for memory.

Exercise also helps maintain the telomeres, which protect the ends of chromosomes (Erickson, 2009; Leslie, 2011; Loprinzi et al., 2015). With age, telomeres wear down, much as the tip of a shoelace frays. Smoking, obesity, or stress can speed up this wear. Children who suffer frequent abuse or bullying exhibit shortened telomeres as biological scars (Shalev et al., 2013). As telomeres shorten, aging cells may die without being replaced with perfect genetic copies (Epel, 2009).

The message is clear: We are more likely to rust from disuse than to wear out from overuse. Fit bodies support fit minds.

Muscle strength, reaction time, and stamina also diminish noticeably in late adulthood. The fine-tuned senses of smell, hearing, and distance perception that we took for granted in our twenties and thirties will become distant memories. In later life, the stairs get steeper, the print gets smaller, and other people seem to mumble more.

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For those growing older, there is both bad and good news about health. The bad news: The body’s disease-fighting immune system weakens, putting older adults at higher risk for life-threatening ailments, such as cancer and pneumonia. The good news: Thanks partly to a lifetime’s collection of antibodies, those over 65 suffer fewer short-term ailments, such as common flu and cold viruses. One study found they were half as likely as 20-year-olds and one-fifth as likely as preschoolers to suffer upper respiratory flu each year (National Center for Health Statistics, 1990). No wonder older workers have lower absenteeism rates (Rhodes, 1983).

For both men and women, sexual activity also remains satisfying after middle age. When does sexual desire diminish? In one sexuality survey, age 75 was the point when most women and nearly half the men reported little sexual desire (DeLamater, 2012; DeLamater & Sill, 2005). In another study, 75 percent of those surveyed nevertheless reported being sexually active into their eighties (Schick et al., 2010).

Aging and Memory

As we age, we remember some things well. Looking back in later life, adults asked to recall the one or two most important events over the last half-century tend to name events from their teens or twenties (Conway et al., 2005; Rubin et al., 1998). Whatever people experienced around this time of life—the Vietnam War, the 9/11 terrorist attacks, the election of the first Black U.S. president—gets remembered (Pillemer, 1998; Schuman & Scott, 1989). Our teens and twenties are also the time when we experience many of our big “firsts”—our first date, first job, first day at college, first meeting our romantic partner’s parents.

Early adulthood is indeed a peak time for some types of learning and remembering. Consider one experiment in which 1205 people were invited to learn some names (Crook & West, 1990). They watched video clips in which 14 strangers said their names, using a common format: “Hi, I’m Larry.” Then those strangers reappeared and gave additional details. For example, they said “I’m from Philadelphia,” which gave viewers more visual and voice cues for remembering the person’s name. After a second and third replay of the introductions, everyone remembered more names, but younger adults consistently remembered more names than older adults. How well older people remember depends in part on the task. When asked to recognize words they had earlier tried to memorize, people showed only a slight decline in memory. When asked to recall that information without clues, however, the decline was greater (FIGURE 3.16).

No matter how quick or slow we are, remembering seems also to depend on the type of information we are trying to retrieve. If the information is meaningless—nonsense syllables or unimportant events—then the older we are, the more errors we make. If the information is meaningful, older people’s rich web of existing knowledge will help them to hold it. But they may take longer than younger adults to produce the words and things they know. Older adults also more often experience tip-of-the-tongue forgetting (Ossher et al., 2012). Quick-thinking game show winners are usually young or middle-aged adults (Burke & Shafto, 2004).

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Chapter 8 explores another dimension of cognitive development: intelligence. As we will see, cross-sectional studies (comparing people of different ages) and longitudinal studies (restudying the same people over time) have identified mental abilities that do and do not change as people age. Age is less a predictor of memory and intelligence than is the nearness of death. Knowing whether someone is 8 months or 8 years from a natural death, regardless of age, gives a clue to that person’s mental ability. In the last three or four years of life and especially as death approaches, negative feelings and the rate of cognitive decline typically increase (Vogel et al., 2013; Wilson et al., 2007). Researchers call this near-death drop terminal decline (Backman & MacDonald, 2006). As death approaches, our goals also shift. We’re driven less to learn and more to connect socially (Carstensen, 2011).

Sustaining Mental Abilities

Psychologists who study the aging mind have been debating whether “brain-fitness” computer training programs can build “mental muscles” and hold off cognitive decline. Our brain remains plastic throughout life (Gutchess, 2014). So, can exercising our brain—with memory, visual tracking speed, and problem-solving exercises—prevent us from losing our minds? “At every point in life, the brain’s natural plasticity gives us the ability to improve how our brains function,” said one neuroscientist-entrepreneur (Merzenich, 2007). One study of nearly 3000 people found that 10 cognitive training sessions, with follow-up booster sessions, led to improved cognitive scores on tests related to their training (Boron et al., 2007; Willis et al., 2006).

Based on such findings, some computer game makers have been marketing daily brain-exercise programs for older people. But other researchers, after reviewing all the available studies, advise caution (Melby-Lervåg & Hulme, 2013; Redick et al., 2013; Salthouse, 2010; Shipstead et al., 2012a,b). A British study of 11,430 people who either completed one of two sets of brain-training activities over six weeks, or instead completed a control task, confirms the limited benefits. Although the training improved the practiced skills, it did not boost overall cognitive fitness (Makin, 2015b; Owens et al., 2010). In 2016, the maker of one prominent brain-training program, Lumosity, was fined $2 million for deceiving customers about the program’s supposed benefits. “Lumosity preyed on consumers’ fears about age-related cognitive decline,” said the Federal Trade Commission’s Jessica Rich (Federal Trade Commission, 2016). “But Lumosity simply did not have the science to back up its ads.”

Adulthood’s Commitments

Two basic aspects of our lives dominate adulthood. Erik Erikson called them intimacy (forming close relationships) and generativity (being productive and supporting future generations). Sigmund Freud (1935/1960) put it most simply: The healthy adult, he said, is one who can love and work.

LOVE We typically flirt, fall in love, and commit—one person at a time. “Pair-bonding is a trademark of the human animal,” observed anthropologist Helen Fisher (1993). From an evolutionary perspective, this pairing makes sense. Parents who cooperated to nurture their children to maturity were more likely to have their gene-carrying children survive and reproduce.

Romantic attraction is often influenced by chance encounters (Bandura, 1982). Psychologist Albert Bandura (2005) recalled the true story of a book editor who came to one of Bandura’s lectures on the “Psychology of Chance Encounters and Life Paths”—and ended up marrying the woman who happened to sit next to him.

Bonds of love are most satisfying and enduring when two adults share similar interests and values and offer mutual emotional and material support. One of the ties that binds couples is self-disclosure—revealing intimate aspects of oneself to others (see Chapter 11). There also appears to be “vow power.” Straight and gay romantic relationships sealed with commitment more often endure (Balsam et al., 2008; Rosenfeld, 2014).

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The chances that a marriage will last also increase when couples marry after age 20 and are well educated. Compared with their counterparts of 30 years ago, people in Western countries are better educated and marrying later (Wolfinger, 2015). These trends may help explain why the American divorce rate, which surged from 1960 to 1980, has since leveled off and even slightly declined in some areas (Schoen & Canudas-Romo, 2006). Despite the drop in divorce, our standards have risen. Both men and women now expect more than an enduring bond when they marry. Most hope for a mate who is a wage earner, caregiver, intimate friend, and warm and responsive lover (Finkel et al., 2015a).

Historically, couples have met at school, on the job, or through family and friends. Thanks to the Internet, many couples now meet online. As one recent national survey revealed, nearly a quarter of heterosexual couples and some two-thirds of same-sex couples found one another online (FIGURE 3.17).

Might test-driving life together in a “trial marriage” reduce divorce risk? In one Gallup survey of American twenty-somethings, 62 percent thought it would (Whitehead & Popenoe, 2001). In reality, in Europe, Canada, and the United States, those living together before marriage have had higher rates of divorce and marital troubles than those who have not lived together (Jose et al., 2010; Manning & Cohen, 2012; Stanley et al., 2010). The risk appears greatest for those who live together before becoming engaged (Goodwin et al., 2010; Rhoades et al., 2009). These couples tend to be initially less committed to the ideal of enduring marriage, and they become even less marriage-supporting while living together.

Nonetheless, the institution of marriage endures. Ninety-five percent of Americans have either married or want to (Newport & Wilke, 2013). And marriage is a predictor of happiness, sexual satisfaction, income, and mental health (Scott et al., 2010). Neighborhoods with high marriage rates typically have low rates of crime, delinquency, and emotional disorders among children. Since 1972, surveys of more than 50,000 Americans have revealed that 40 percent of married adults report being “very happy,” compared with 23 percent of unmarried adults. Lesbian couples, too, report greater well-being than those who are single (Peplau & Fingerhut, 2007; Wayment & Peplau, 1995).

Often, love bears children. For most people, this most enduring of life changes is a happy event—one that adds meaning, joy, and occasional stress (S. K. Nelson et al., 2013; Witters, 2014). “I feel an overwhelming love for my children unlike anything I feel for anyone else,” said 93 percent of American mothers in a national survey (Erickson & Aird, 2005). Many fathers feel the same. A few weeks after the birth of my first child, I [DM] was suddenly struck by a realization: “So this is how my parents felt about me!”

Children eventually leave home. This departure is a significant and sometimes difficult event. But for most people, an empty nest is a happy place (Adelmann et al., 1989; Gorchoff et al., 2008). Many parents experience a “postlaunch honeymoon,” especially if they maintain close relationships with their children (White & Edwards, 1990). As Daniel Gilbert (2006) concluded, “The only known symptom of ‘empty nest syndrome’ is increased smiling.”

WORK Having work that fits your interests provides a sense of competence and accomplishment. For many adults, the answer to “Who are you?” depends a great deal on the answer to “What do you do?” Choosing a career path is difficult, especially during bad economic times. (See Appendix B: Psychology at Work for more on building work satisfaction.)

For both men and women, there exists a social clock—a culture’s definition of “the right time” to leave home, get a job, marry, have children, and retire. It’s the expectation people have in mind when saying “I married early” or “I started college late.” Today the clock still ticks, but people feel freer about keeping their own time.

Well-Being Across the Life Span

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To live is to grow older. This moment marks the oldest you have ever been and the youngest you will henceforth be. That means we all can look back with satisfaction or regret, and forward with hope or dread. When asked what they would have done differently if they could relive their lives, people most often answer, “taken my education more seriously and worked harder at it” (Kinnier & Metha, 1989; Roese & Summerville, 2005). Other regrets—“I should have told my father I loved him,” “I regret that I never went to Europe”—have also focused less on mistakes made than on the things one failed to do (Gilovich & Medvec, 1995).

From the teens to midlife, people’s sense of identity, confidence, and self-esteem typically grows stronger (Huang, 2010; Robins & Trzesniewski, 2005). The popular image of the midlife crisis—an early-forties man who leaves his family for a younger romantic partner and a hot sports car—is more myth than reality (Hunter & Sundel, 1989; Mroczek & Kolarz, 1998). In later life, challenges arise. Income often shrinks. Work is often taken away. The body declines. Recall fades. Energy wanes. Family members and friends die or move away. The great enemy, death, looms ever closer.

Prior to the very end, however, the over-65 years are not notably unhappy: Self-esteem, for example, remains stable (Wagner et al., 2013). The Gallup Organization asked 658,038 people worldwide to rate their lives on a ladder from 0 (“the worst possible life”) to 10 (“the best possible life”). Age—from 15 to over 90 years—gave no clue to life satisfaction (Morrison et al., 2014).

If anything, positive feelings, supported by better emotional control, tend to grow after midlife, and negative feelings decline (Stone et al., 2010; Urry & Gross, 2010). Compared with younger Chinese and American adults, older adults are more attentive to positive news (Isaacowitz, 2012; Wang et al., 2015b). Like people of all ages, older adults are happiest when not alone (FIGURE 3.18). Older adults experience fewer problems in their relationships—less attachment anxiety, stress, and anger (Chopik et al., 2013; Fingerman & Charles, 2010; Stone et al., 2010). With age, we become more stable and more accepting (Carstensen et al., 2011; Shallcross et al., 2013).

Throughout the life span, the bad feelings tied to negative events fade faster than the good feelings linked with positive events (Walker et al., 2003). This leaves most older people with the comforting feeling that life, on balance, has been mostly good. As the years go by, feelings mellow (Brose et al., 2015). Highs become less high, lows less low.

Death and Dying

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Warning: If you begin reading the next paragraph, you will die.

But of course, if you hadn’t read this, you would still die in due time. Death is our unavoidable end. Most of us will also have to cope with the death of a close relative or friend. Normally, the most difficult separation is from the death of one’s spouse or partner—a loss suffered by four times more women than men. When, as usually happens, death comes at an expected late-life time—the “right time” on the social clock—the grieving usually passes.

Grief is especially severe when a loved one’s death comes suddenly and before its expected time. The sudden illness or accident that claims a 45-year-old life partner or a child may trigger a year or more of memory-filled mourning. Eventually, this may give way to a mild depression (Lehman et al., 1987).

For some, the loss is unbearable. One study tracked more than 17,000 people who had suffered the death of a child under 18. In the five years following that death, 3 percent of them were hospitalized for the first time in a psychiatric unit. This rate is 67 percent higher than the rate recorded for parents who had not lost a child (Li et al., 2005).

Why do grief reactions vary so widely? Some cultures encourage public weeping and wailing. Others expect mourners to hide their emotions. In all cultures, some individuals grieve more intensely and openly. Some popular beliefs, however, are not confirmed by scientific studies:

Facing death with dignity and openness helps people complete the life cycle with a sense of life’s meaningfulness and unity—the sense that their existence has been good and that life and death are parts of an ongoing cycle. Although death may be unwelcome, life itself can be affirmed even at death. This is especially so for people who review their lives not with despair but with what Erik Erikson called a sense of integrity—a feeling that one’s life has been meaningful and worthwhile.