Lena Dunham stars in the HBO series Girls as Hannah, a twenty-something in Brooklyn with writerly ambitions. Due to her self-involvement, Hannah is not a particularly skilled communicator, and one incident in the third season makes this abundantly clear. Hannah attends the funeral of the editor who was helping her publish a memoir—and ends up asking his widow to help connect her to another publisher. Shocked at her timing, the widow asks her to leave.

If you’ve ever laughed or cringed at someone else’s inappropriate question or comment, you already understand that for communication to be competent it needs to be both effective and appropriate. You would not speak to your grandmother in the same way you talk to your friends; nor would a lawyer ask her husband to complete a task the same way she would ask her office assistant. Competent, successful communicators adjust their behavior to suit particular individuals and situations; the characters in Girls do neither.