During his spring 2013 European tour, popular music star Justin Bieber visited Amsterdam’s Anne Frank House, a popular museum dedicated to the legacy of the World War II teenage diarist, Anne Frank. Frank’s family, and four other Jewish friends, hid from the Nazis in secret rooms in the house until they were discovered and arrested in 1944. Frank’s widely read Diary of Anne Frank provides a first-person account of daily life under such strenuous conditions in the midst of one of history’s most horrifying genocides. Sadly, Justin Bieber missed the solemn and reflective nature of his visit when he signed the museum’s guestbook, “Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber” (Duke, 2013). When the message was later posted to the museum’s Facebook page, fans were outraged that the singer hoped that Anne Frank, a teenager whose memories give a face to the tens of thousands of lives uprooted and extinguished by the Nazi regime, would have been a “belieber”—a girl head-over-heels in love with Justin Bieber (Duke, 2013).

Communication is appropriate when it meets the demands of the situation as well as the expectations of others present (whether physically or virtually). In almost all situations, cultural norms and rules set the standards for expectations. Although Justin Bieber may have thought his comment would show appreciation for Frank as a regular teenager who liked celebrities, he violated norms about modesty and respect in a reflective historical place. He made his admiration of a woman whose story inspires millions appear to be more about himself.

Sometimes even those whose profession it is to communicate, such as journalists, can also be inappropriate. After the disastrous 2013 Santa Maria, Brazil, nightclub fire that killed almost 250 people, reporters jockeyed for the “most dramatic-grieving-parent interview”; cartoons depicted young people going in one door of the club and coming out another escorted by death with a scythe (Xersenesky, 2013). Appropriate care and tact for the victims and their families were inappropriately ignored in the rush to share sensationalist stories.

Successful communicators know what is and isn’t appropriate in a variety of situations. Moreover, they have behavioral flexibility: the ability to use a number of different behaviors depending on the situation. So while you might love to talk about politics or your grades when you’re with your friends, you might decide that these topics aren’t appropriate during Passover dinner at your aunt’s house.