You let others know about yourself through self-presentation—intentional communication designed to show elements of the self for strategic purposes. For example, if you want to create the impression among your coworkers that you are competent at your job as a teacher, you might mention during conversations how you’ve successfully handled disciplinary situations or how you’ve designed innovative lessons to make long division fun.

We all tend to focus on self-presentation when we are being evaluated, formally or informally, by others (Canary & Cody, 1993). For example, you probably behave very differently when you are meeting your significant other’s parents for the first time than when you’re hanging out with your friends or your own family.

Self-presentation can take many forms. You can present yourself through face-to-face conversation, through e-mail or text messaging, and Twitter and Facebook. You may even have a preference for one of these channels of communication when self-presenting. For example, many people use asynchronous channels (e-mail, text messages, cards) when they are unsure of the reaction they will get from the recipient (O’Sullivan, 2000). For example, after a heated argument with her boyfriend Lance, Julie wants to apologize. Because she’s uncomfortable making this self-presentation to Lance over the phone or in person, she chooses to send him a text message when she knows he’ll have his phone silenced. Many students also prefer e-mail over face-to-face or virtual office hours to interact with their professors (Li & Pitts, 2009). In fact, the most common reasons for choosing e-mail or texting over face-to-face interaction is the ability to carefully construct our messages and to “shield” ourselves from any immediate negative feedback that might come from the other person (Riordan & Kreuz, 2010).

To figure out how to present yourself in the best way, you have to pay attention to your own and others’ behavior. Self-monitoring is your ability to watch your environment and others in it for cues about how to present yourself in a particular situation (Snyder, 1974). High-self-monitoring individuals try to portray themselves as “the right person in the right place at the right time.” These people watch others for hints on how to be successful in social situations. And they try to demonstrate the verbal and nonverbal behaviors that seem most appropriate. You may know someone who is a high-self-monitoring communicator. During class, this person always sits in a certain strategic position, gets involved in discussions when others do so, gestures in a similar manner to others, and when it is time to let others talk, is very strategic with silence. These “sufficiently skilled actors” can display situation-appropriate communication behaviors. Low-self-monitoring individuals are not nearly so sensitive to situational cues that prescribe communication behavior. They communicate according to their deep-seated values or their feelings of the moment. They do not see the need to adapt to situations or people; rather, they feel that controlling their style of communication would be “false.” If low self-monitors anticipate a communication situation that is different from their own self-presentation style, they will either avoid the situation or accept the fact that their communication may not please all the parties involved.

Communicating successfully involves finding the appropriate level of self-monitoring for the situation and the people involved. It might seem like high self-monitors are the winners in social interaction, but this isn’t always the case. High self-monitors can drive themselves crazy by focusing on every little thing that they say and do (Wright, Holloway, & Roloff, 2007). They might also become manipulative in their carefully crafted efforts to impress people. Perhaps you have experienced social media users who brag about being at a great party for the “benefit” of the people who aren’t there (Harmon, 2011). And consider those who ineffectually disguise bragging over social media by self-denigrating (“Can’t seem to fit into those size two jeans, despite my daily workouts”)—on Twitter they’ve earned their own hashtag: #humblebrag.

By contrast, competent communicators will monitor their self-presentation just enough to present themselves effectively but without forgetting that communication involves others. They also know that you can’t control what others do around you that may affect your efforts to present yourself effectively—including what your friends post on your Facebook timeline!