Language is used as an instrument of control, to exert influence over others and our environment. Josie’s use of the phrase “thank you” impresses her mother, who reassures her that using the term makes her a “good girl.” Such appropriate use of language can make children seem cute, smart, or polite, giving them the ability to present themselves in a positive light. Recall from Chapter 1 that control is actually a neutral term; it is a crucial social skill whether used in a positive or negative way. As an adult, Josie will be able to use language to control her environment by negotiating a pay raise or bargaining with a car dealer. However, she will also need to avoid negative control strategies, such as whining, ridiculing, insulting, threatening, or belittling, as these do not contribute to productive, successful communication.

For anyone who has been the victim of hurtful language and actions, speaking out—harnessing the power of language—can actually restore a sense of control. Tens of thousands of women have been brutally raped in the Congo, and their shame has kept them silent. Cultural taboos about gender and sexual behavior have also prevented them from sharing their stories. However, local and international aid groups have organized open forums to help victims talk about the atrocities, connect with others, and regain control of their lives. Words about such experiences are certainly hard to speak, but once these narratives are spoken, they can empower the speaker (Bartels et al., 2013; Gettleman, 2008).