As you saw in the opening “partner” vignette, a single word can have many meanings. A dictionary can help you find the denotative meaning of a word—its basic, consistently accepted definition. But to be a competent communicator, you’ll also need to consider a word’s connotative meaning, people’s emotional or attitudinal response to it. Consider the word school. It has several denotative meanings, including a building where education takes place and a large group of fish. But the word can also carry strong connotative meanings, based on your attitudes toward and experiences with school: it might bring back happy memories of class birthday parties in second grade, or it might make you feel anxious about final exams.

Obviously, choosing words carefully is important. Not only must you make sure the denotative meaning is clear (using the word ostentatious with a bunch of six-year-olds isn’t going to help you explain anything), but you also have to be aware of the possible connotative meanings of the words you use (Hample, 1987). Consider the words people might choose at a party to introduce the person to whom they are married. They could say, “I’d like you to meet my wife,” or “. . . my spouse” (or bride, old lady, ball-and-chain, better half). These terms denotatively mean the same thing—their marital partner. But connotatively, they might generate very different reactions (including possibly offending people). Spouse may have a positive connotation in some situations, such as in legal paperwork or a gender-neutral invitation (“spouses welcome”). But in a personal introduction, it may come across negatively, as too formal and lacking affection. Connotative reactions also depend on the people you’re speaking to and your relationship to them—the same word may make your friends laugh but anger your family members.

Subtle differences in word meaning can even change your entire interpretation of an event. For example, your grandfather offers to give you $10,000 at your college graduation if you graduate with honors. Is his offer a bribe, a reward, or an incentive? How you and others perceive and process his offer depends on the meaning associated with the language used. You may resent your grandfather if you consider the money a bribe, feel proud if you earn your reward, or feel motivated by the incentive.