Gender and Language

Gendered language often affects mixed-sex small group settings. Women are typically encouraged to build rapport, using affectionate language to keep the peace and share power (Chapters 3 and 9). Men are rewarded for taking charge of a group and using direct, action-oriented language. Competent communicators must be aware of these differences in style and must promote group communication that encourages all members to share and challenge ideas in order to achieve group goals.

Cultural factors deeply affect our thinking and perception of gender roles, which are often inscribed with “different languages” for the masculine and the feminine (Gudykunst & Ting-Toomey, 1988). The idea that men and women speak entirely different languages is popular fodder for comedy, talk shows, and pop psychologists, so let’s identify what actual differences have contributed to that view.

Women primarily see conversations as negotiations for closeness and connection with others, whereas men experience talk more as a struggle for control, independence, and hierarchy (Tannen, 1992). But either may use powerful, controlling language to define limits, authority, and relationships and less controlling language to express affection. Let’s look at a few examples.

In summary, research has corroborated some differences in communication style due to sex (Kiesling, 1998), but many of those differences pale when we consider gender (the cultural meaning of sex), context, role, and task (Ewald, 2010; Mulac, Wiemann, Widenmann, & Gibson, 1988; Newman, Groom, Handelman, & Pennebaker, 2008). Relatedly, studying language from a sex-difference approach can be misleading, because it treats women (and men) as a homogenous “global category,” paying little attention to differences in ethnicity, religion, sexuality, and economic status (Crawford, 1995). In fact, recent studies focus on how we present our different “faces” in interaction (Tannen, 2009, 2010) and how language choices are more about negotiating influence (power, hierarchy), solidarity (connection, intimacy), value formation, and identity rather than about sex (Tannen, Kendall, & Gorgon, 2007). Decades of research find that we are less bound by our sex than we are by the language choices we make. Thus, regardless of whether we are male or female, we can choose to use language that gives us more influence or creates more connection—or both.

AND YOU?

Question

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