Touch is the first communication we experience in life. A newborn baby is soothed in the arms of her parents; she begins learning about herself and others while reaching out to explore her environment. Haptics is the use of touch to send messages. We hug our loved ones in happy and sad times, we reassure others with a pat on the back, and we experience intimacy with the caress of a romantic partner.

There are as many different types of touches as there are thoughts about and reactions for being touched. The intimacy continuum (Heslin, 1974) provides insights into how our use of touch reflects our relationship with a communication partner:

Another classification system for touch distinguishes among a dozen different kinds of body contact (Morris, 1977). Table 4.2 illustrates these types of contact in connection with the intimacy continuum.

Clearly, touch powerfully affects our relationships. It is one factor related to sustained liking in healthy marriages (Hinkle, 1999). Our reassuring touch also lets our friends know that we care and serves to regulate social interactions, as when beginning or ending an interaction with a handshake. However, not all touch is positive. Bullying behaviors like kicking, punching, hitting, and poking are inappropriate forms of touch, unless inside a boxing ring.

Gauging the appropriate amount of touch for a given situation or relationship is also critical for communication. For example, dating partners usually expect touch, but someone who wants “too much” (such as constant hand-holding) can be perceived as needy or clingy. Withholding touch communicates a message of disinterest or dislike, which can damage a relationship, whether with a friend, a romantic partner, or a colleague. Obviously, it’s important to adjust touch to individual expectations and needs (and culture, as we explain later in the chapter).