Have you ever had a friend who just talked about himself or herself without ever allowing you to share your own thoughts or concerns? Does your roommate or a colleague send text messages or update Facebook while you’re talking? They may be hearing, but they’re almost certainly not listening. And your relationship may be suffering as a result.

In new relationships, the partners must listen competently to learn more about each other; failure to do this usually results in less attraction and more negative emotions (Knobloch & Solomon, 2002). As your relationships progress, listening remains a top priority. For example, you are more likely to self-disclose to a friend you think is listening to you. Similarly, you can significantly reduce your partner’s stress in a challenging situation by letting him or her talk through difficult events while you listen actively (Lewis & Manusov, 2009). Even when a friend verbally “ruminates”—talks over and over again about the same issues—listening supportively can help the person feel more satisfied with the friendship (Afifi, Afifi, Merrill, Denes, & Davis, 2013).