Attractive Qualities

Although culture plays a powerful role in our ideas about physical attraction (Chapter 5), it’s important to remember that we all have schemas about attractiveness (Chapter 2). So although you might find Jordan very attractive, your friend Cameron might not because Jordan reminds her of a previously awful romantic partner or because Jordan bears a striking resemblance to her brother.

Hollywood movies often deal with troubled relationships, but the movie Julie and Julia is different. It revolves around a young blogger attempting to find purpose in her life by cooking her way through Julia Child’s famous cookbook. The reality of Child’s life—her love of cooking and her marriage to Paul Child—is the refreshing background for the rest of the film (Parker-Pope, 2010b). It depicts not only the exciting beginning of relationships but also the possibility of happy, easy, fun, interesting relationships in which people can remain attracted to one another for a lifetime. The Childs are attracted to one another romantically, intellectually, and socially. You might also be attracted to someone because of a variety of personal qualities that you admire, such as an outgoing personality, sense of fun, intellectual prowess, or simply a warm smile.

As you’ve learned in earlier chapters, your physical appearance does also play an important role in attracting others, especially in the very early stages of a relationship when first impressions are formed. People who are considered beautiful or attractive are often perceived as kinder, warmer, more intelligent, and more honest than unattractive people, and they have earlier opportunities for dating and marriage (Canary, Cody, & Manusov, 2008).

But before you focus only on physical attractiveness, remember two things. First, beauty is largely in the eye of the beholder, and individual tastes vary due to factors too numerous to discuss here (including cultural standards). For example, among the Padaung tribe of Southeast Asia, women wrap rings around their necks to push down their collarbones and upper ribs, giving the illusion of extremely long necks, considered a sign of beauty and wealth; Western standards of beauty are not the same. Second, our communication affects perceptions of beauty; repeated interaction with others alters our initial impressions of their physical appearance (Canary, Cody, & Manusov, 2008). So your ability to use verbal and nonverbal messages appropriately and effectively probably has a lot more to do with your perceived attractiveness than perfect clothing or the size of your jeans.