Weighing costs against benefits and reducing uncertainty are not the only challenges we face in developing relationships. In any relationship, it is common to experience contradictions or opposing feelings about your relational partner and about the relationship itself. When a love relationship becomes serious, for example, one or both partners might find themselves mourning their old, single lifestyle, despite the benefits of commitment.

Relational dialectics theory holds that dialectical tensions are contradictory feelings that tug at us in every relationship, whether a newly formed friendship or a committed romantic partnership. These tensions can be external (between the partners and the people with whom they interact) or internal (within their relationship). Of the many possible types, we focus on three internal tensions that dominate research: autonomy versus connection, openness versus closedness, and predictability versus novelty (Baxter & Simon, 1993). Note that dialectics exist along a continuum; they are not all-or-nothing trade-offs but rather ranges of options that need to be continually negotiated and adjusted (Baxter, Braithwaite, Bryant, & Wagner, 2004). These tensions are natural and normal—experiencing them does not indicate that your relationship is in trouble!