Predictability Versus Novelty

Which is more important to relationships, safety and security or excitement and spontaneity? The third dialectical tension is where proponents of relational dialectics theory disagree with the concept of uncertainty reduction that we discussed earlier. Rather than accepting that uncertainty is inherently uncomfortable, dialectics researchers argue that people have a simultaneous need for stability through predictable relational interaction as well as a need for new and unexpected experiences in personal relationships. On the one hand, partners seek stable patterns of interaction: Colin and Casey, for example, enjoy the comfort of their evening routine of dinner and television, and their understanding of each others’ typical reactions and emotions helps them to know how to support one another and avoid unnecessary upsets. At the same time, being able to almost finish each other’s sentences can be too predictable, so some novelty in their interactions is also welcome. This is why Colin might surprise Casey with an unexpected love-note in the lunch she takes to work, or why Casey might spontaneously cook a Thai meal or suggest a vacation to somewhere they’d never thought to go before.