Certain topics are simply too sensitive for some people to confront openly. One or both relational partners can use strategic topic avoidance to maneuver the conversation away from potentially embarrassing, vulnerable, or otherwise undesirable topics (Dailey & Palomares, 2004). Just as in privacy management, there are topics we avoid because we are culturally trained to do so. For example, prior relationships, negative information, dating experiences, money issues, and sexual experiences are largely considered inappropriate for public communication (Baxter & Wilmot, 1985; Dailey & Palomares, 2004; Guerrero & Afifi, 1995). So if a colleague at the office asks about the size of your recent bonus, you could say that it’s none of his business, but research shows that you’d be better off to use a less direct avoidance tactic, such as keeping silent, deflecting, giving an unrelated response, lying, or simply ending the conversation (Dailey & Palomares, 2004).

Like other issues related to self-disclosure, there are ethical considerations regarding pursuing and avoiding topics. Is it appropriate for parents to disclose the private details of their impending divorce to their children? They may mean well (for example, they may want to reduce uncertainty for their children), but they may use such strategies unethically (such as if each parent argues for his or her own side of the story in order to be viewed in a better light). In addition, adolescent children may suffer emotionally and view the disclosures as inappropriate (Afifi, McManus, Hutchinson, & Baker, 2007).

Every relationship is unique and, as we have discussed, relational partners may experience different degrees of comfort with disclosure or avoidance at different times. For example, dating couples who are experiencing relationship dissatisfaction have been found to engage in more topic avoidance, often to create some emotional distance (Merrill & Afifi, 2012). On the other hand, people in more satisfying relationships may also use topic avoidance, but as a way to be sensitive to the other person’s concerns and accommodate to the other’s needs (Dailey & Palomares, 2004). In other words, strategic topic avoidance can have benefits or detriments, depending on how and why the topics are being avoided.