Stable Stage

By the time partners reach the stable stage, their relationship is no longer volatile or temporary. They now have a great deal of knowledge about one another, their expectations are realistic, and they feel comfortable with their motives for being in the relationship. Relationships reach the stable stage when uncertainty reduces to the point where partners feel comfortable understanding each other’s preferences and goals (Goss & O’Hair, 1988).

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SUPERSTARS Jay-Z and Beyoncé Knowles have managed to maintain a stable relationship for years despite the strains and visibility of being a celebrity couple. BENOIT TESSIER/Reuters/Landov

Two substages occur here. First, we see relational partners integrating or “becoming one.” You and your roommate Dana now cultivate common friends, develop joint opinions, and may share property. Second, people treat you as a pair—one of you would never be invited to a party without the other one (Knapp & Vangelisti, 2000). If the relationship progresses beyond integrating, bonding takes place when two partners share formal, public messages with the world that their relationship is important and cherished. Engagements, weddings, civil unions, and entering into legal contracts (such as buying a house together) are common ways to reveal a bonded romantic couple.

Life’s challenges inevitably arise for partners in a stable relationship, so each individual will need to determine if the benefits of the relationship (such as intimacy or companionship) outweigh the costs that these challenges represent. For a few tips on developing and maintaining stable relationships, see Table 7.2.

Table :

TABLE 7.2 STRATEGIES FOR MANAGING STABLE RELATIONSHIPS

Source: Guerrero, Andersen, & Afifi (2013).

Strategy Examples
Remember what made you interested in the relationship in the first place
  • Share inside jokes
  • Visit favorite places (a coffeehouse where you used to meet)
Spend quality time together
  • Share your day-to-day activities
  • Explore new hobbies and interests
Share tasks and humor
  • Plan finances and do chores together
  • Have inside jokes and laugh together
Be understanding
  • Empathize with your partner’s concerns, dreams, fears, and so on
  • Try to see conflict-causing situations from your partner’s point of view
Express affection
  • Proclaim how important your partner is (“You’re a great friend” or “I love you”)
  • Do something nice or unexpected for your partner without being asked
Have realistic expectations
  • Don’t compare your relationships to others
  • Accept your partner’s strengths and weaknesses
Work on intimacy
  • Offer supportive, positive messages, particularly during stressful times
  • Reveal your commitment by showing and sharing that you are invested in the relationship (self-disclosure, make future plans together)