When one person has power over another, that dynamic can cause one or both of the people to handle conflict unproductively. Power dynamics are often at play in the workplace, where your boss determines the nature of your work and can fire, promote, or transfer you. If you and your boss disagree about some issue at work, your boss may pull rank, saying something like “I’m in charge here.” But power dynamics also come into play in more intimate relationships. For example, if you are dependent on your parents for tuition, shelter, food, or anything else, they may use that power to control your behavior, perhaps pressuring you to choose a specific school or major or making bold declarations about how you should spend your time.

In romantic relationships, unhealthy partnerships are often characterized by too much dependence of one partner on the other, control of one partner, and an inability to communicate boundaries, among other things (Canary, Cody, & Manusov, 2008). You can imagine what happens when conflict enters such an unbalanced relationship. In some cases, the partner with more power may engage in activities that make the other partner fearful and compliant, such as bullying or intimidating. Let’s say that Chris and Amy are considering purchasing their first home together and that Amy is just starting a freelance writing career. Amy now relies on Chris’s full-time job for health insurance and a stable income. In a relationship where power is balanced and healthy, Chris would be supportive of Amy’s new venture and would want to come to a mutual decision about the size and type of home they purchase. But if the balance of power is skewed in Chris’s favor—either because he is domineering or because Amy refuses to voice her opinions—Chris may engage in some of the tactics we mentioned: saying, for example, “Well, I’m the one paying for the house,” or “Fine, I guess we’ll just keep throwing away money on rent,” if Amy suggests that perhaps Chris’s top-choice house isn’t what’s best for them.

It’s important to bear in mind that differences in power aren’t limited to material resources. In any relationship, one person has power over another if he or she controls something that the other person values. For example, when you are angry with your best friend, you may ignore her, depriving her of the benefit of spending time with you. Some people even withhold physical or emotional affection from their romantic partner as a form of punishment or as a means to try to control their partner’s behavior. When the power balance is unequal, conflicts are more likely, and relational partners tend to be less satisfied (Dunbar & Abra, 2010).