Chapter 17. RealComm4e_CommAcrossCultures

17.1 Section Title

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Communication Across Cultures
Yours, Mine, and Both of Ours

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The sight of a family lighting a menorah alongside their Christmas tree is not all that unfamiliar; nor is the story of one parent who quietly leaves behind his or her own religious faith and allows his or her spouse (and his or her spouse’s family and congregation) to take the spiritual lead. Nearly four in ten American marriages are between spouses of different religious affiliations (Murphy, 2015). For these couples, navigating differences in religion can be fraught with conflict, ranging from inconveniences over holidays to misunderstandings with parents and extended families, to troubling arguments over inconsistent messages or values. How do they navigate these potential conflicts?

Many families simply attempt to embrace more than one religion. A number of interfaith nonprofit groups and schools have arisen to help couples plan interfaith weddings as well as help them raise children with an appreciation for both parents’ faiths. Honeymoon Israel, for example, takes interfaith couples on trips to Israel to explore Christian, Jewish, and Muslim historic sites. Founder Avi Rubel says, “We don’t care what you believe in. You married into our family, so you’re in our family. We want couples to explore the issues on their own terms.” (Miller, 2016). The Interfaith Family School in Chicago also helps couples who wish to raise children in both of their faiths, including counseling them on how to explain their faiths to their children and to their extended families. “For people who don’t work at it—who don’t really consciously come to agreement, it really won’t work,” says Jean, a Jewish woman who married a Roman Catholic. “Someone will feel slighted; someone will feel disrespected. We wanted both of us to be comfortable in our home. We wanted our children to have an identity that makes sense. I think we’re achieving that, but it’s not always easy” (Haines, 2014).

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