Read the passage below and check your comprehension by answering the following questions. Then “submit” your work.
The television images of the grieving parents and friends after a recent mass shooting brought it all back to Kai: the shock of the death of his own friend, shot by an alienated ex-student on the street of their college community. Kai’s feelings of anxiety, anger, despair, and helplessness resurfaced, and he wished he could somehow help those gripped by sorrow as he had been helped a few years earlier (Herberman Mash, Fullerton, & Ursano, 2013). Experiencing the death of a loved one is not rare among college students; almost one in three will experience the death of a family member or friend during their time on campus (Balk, 2011). Most of these students are away from home and in a campus culture that is focused more on living than dying. How do they handle the death of a relationship?
In U.S. (and most Western) cultures, we honor the dead by eulogizing them—talking about them and the relationship we had with them—whereas in more community-based cultures (e.g., Africa, Asia), not talking about them is more common—though public expressions (e.g., wailing over the casket) illustrate grief emotions (Groot-Alberts, 2012). Yet, even in Western cultures, communication about death is painful and emotionally draining; most of the time, we do not know how to comfort ourselves or others experiencing grief. Listening to a grieving person means putting your own experiences and anxiety aside, realizing that you do not have to have had the same experience as the griever to be of help. You do not have to give advice, solutions, or cures—sometimes a simple touch and look of concern are what the griever needs.
Culture, personality, and gender all influence grieving styles (Doughty, 2009), as does family. Family communication patterns that encourage open and honest communication about grief contribute to feelings of personal growth as members deal with their sense of loss; less open family cultures are associated with more blame, panic, disorganization, and detachment from reality (Carmon, Western, Miller, Pearson, & Fowler, 2010). Kai counts himself as fortunate to have had family and friends who helped him through his grief. Like other people his age, Kai has found that his social network can also help in the grieving process. Visiting the Facebook profile of the deceased, looking at pictures to reinforce positive memories, and even writing online messages to his deceased friend have all been helpful coping mechanisms for his pain (Pennington, 2013).