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What Is Interpersonal Communication Competence?

Competence matters the most during difficult situations

For nine seasons of South Park, Jerome “Chef” McElroy was the only adult trusted and respected by the show’s central characters: Kyle, Stan, Kenny, and Cartman. Voiced by the late, great R&B singer Isaac Hayes (1942–2008), Chef was friend, confidante, and advice-giver to the children. In a routine interaction, the boys—while waiting in the school’s lunch line—would be greeted by Chef with a warm “Hello children!” They then would share their concerns and seek his counsel. Chef would do his best to provide appropriate, effective, and ethical advice, often bursting into song. Of course, given his reputation as a “ladies’ man,” the boys frequently asked him for advice regarding relationships and sex. Chef would stammer, dodge, or scold the children for asking. Sometimes he would answer in vague and allusive ways, trying to remain child-appropriate, but ending up completely unintelligible. In other instances he’d get carried away, singing about his sexual exploits before remembering his audience. But despite occasional lapses in effectiveness and appropriateness, Chef consistently was the most ethical, kind, and compassionate adult in a show populated by insecure, self-absorbed, and outright offensive characters.

Many of us can think of a Chef character in our own lives—someone who, even if he or she occasionally errs, always strives to communicate competently. Often, this person’s efforts pay off; competent communicators report more relational satisfaction (including happier marriages), better psychological and physical health, and higher levels of educational and professional achievement than others (Spitzberg & Cupach, 2002).

Although people who communicate competently report positive outcomes, they don’t all communicate in the same ways. No one recipe for competence exists. Communicating competently will help you achieve more of your interpersonal goals, but it doesn’t guarantee that all of your relationship problems will be solved.

Throughout this text, you will learn the knowledge and skills necessary for strengthening your interpersonal competence. In this chapter, we explore what competence means and how to improve your competence online. Throughout later chapters, we examine how you can communicate more competently across various situations, and within romantic, family, friendship, and workplace relationships.