BACKGROUND

Self-disclosure is the primary vehicle people use to communicate their private selves to others in interpersonal relationships. Yet choosing when and how to self-disclose or ask for self-disclosure can be tricky, particularly when ethical considerations are involved. Read the following Case Study, and work through the five steps under Your Turn to learn how you can ethically self-disclose.

CASE STUDY

You work for Jaime, a longtime family friend who owns a small but thriving business. Before you started the job, Jaime made a deal with you: she would pay your college tuition if you promised to work for her for three years following graduation. Her generosity made it possible for you to get your BA—something you never could have afforded otherwise. Needless to say, you feel very loyal to Jaime.

A few months ago, Jaime hired Jonathan, whom you’ve known since grade school. Jonathan’s public self is impressive: he’s funny, charming, and intelligent. He manages to cheer you up no matter what’s happening in your life. But you’ve always wondered whether his public self is really just a mask. Jonathan doesn’t let people into his central self; he keeps everyone, including you, at a distance. Whenever conversations get too personal, he cracks a joke. Over the years, no matter what the situation—a group project, dinner out, or weekend trips with friends—things always seem to miraculously work out so that Jonathan contributes the least and benefits the most. You can’t help but wonder whether he’s a nice guy with incredible luck or someone who constantly manipulates situations to his advantage.

One day, you learn that Jaime has just made the same tuition offer to Jonathan, and he has accepted. You and Jonathan go out to celebrate. But when you toast Jaime’s generosity, Jonathan laughs and says, “To the suckers of the world!” When you tell him how excited you are that you’ll be working together for several more years, Jonathan says, “We’ll see.” You suddenly have the uncomfortable feeling that he’s planning to renege on his end of the deal. You decide to press him: “You’re not planning on bailing on Jaime after she pays your tuition, are you?” Jonathan hesitates for a moment, then suddenly smiles and shifts into joke mode. “Do you have a wiretap on you or something? Are you Jaime’s little spy?”

You realize you can’t press Jonathan further without disclosing your long-term suspicions about his hidden self or forcing him to disclose something he obviously doesn’t want to discuss. At the same time, your loyalty to Jaime compels you to discover the truth about his motives.

YOUR TURN

Think about the interpersonal communication skills and insights you gained while reading this chapter. Work through the following five steps, which will give you practice making thoughtful interpersonal communication choices in your relationships. Remember, there is no one right answer, so think hard about what choice you will make! Review the Helpful Concepts listed below.

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